Ep. 70: The Wake-Up Call You Need If You Lack Emotional Grit With Neeta Bhushan
Do you have the GRIT to get by when things get tough? Are you prepared to handle the worst things that life could throw at you? Are you emotionally prepared to tackle anything?
Life comes at you fast - especially when you least expect it! You don't have to be prepared for anything in the sense that nothing phases you or that nothing is ever difficult. That's just not realistic! But the people that have the most emotional grit, the most emotional preparedness, know that they can get through things no matter how difficult they seem at first.
We all face struggles. Some of us push through in ways others could never imagine. It's important to be thankful for where we are, always. In this episode, I have the absolute pleasure of interviewing my twin flame, Forbes contributor, author, success speaker, mom, wife, total boss babe Neeta Bhushan. Yeah, she deserves such an epic intro. She's amazing and meeting her was completely life-changing. I know that she'll change your life too!
In this episode, we do a deep dive into Neeta's upbringing and all of the super-tough challenges she's had to face to get to where she is now. She is amazing and her life lessons on grit, perseverance, and business will give you the perfect wake-up call.
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [12:46] Neeta gives us just a glimpse at who she is and where she grew up. We go deeper into her backstory later on in the episode.
‣‣ [13:50] If you had a quote that you decided to live the rest of your life by, what would that quote be? Neeta shares her quote here.
‣‣ [18:55] Tying in with the quote Neeta shared, I ask her how she would describe herself if she was someone else, unapologetically describing who she is. This is an exercise I 100% advise you to try out!
‣‣ [22:49] Now we go DEEP into Neeta's back story. This is serious. She's one of the most inspiring people I know.
‣‣ [55:13] In your life you are without a doubt going to go through some stuff, okay? It's going to be hard. No matter who you are - we all struggle. How do you prepare yourself for that struggle? In this episode, Neeta talks a lot about grit and how it's the key to her own survival. How can you craft your own grit-kit to prepare you for whatever life throws at you?
‣‣ [01:08:40] Grit and perseverance aren't just limited to overcoming personal struggle. Here I ask Neeta for her top three must-dos and reminders for building a successful business.
I NEED TO WAKE UP AND BUILD MY EMOTIONAL GRIT KIT! (Listen Here)
Neeta is amazing and I know you loved listening to her as much as I loved getting to sit down and talk to her. You can keep up with her on instagram right here!
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
Grow Your Gram
Online Course Workshop
FOR MY LISTENER BOSS BABES
You can enjoy this podcast by downloading it on iTunes here.
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FOR MY READER BOSS BABES
You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Sheila Bella:
Hey sis. It's your girl, Sheila, and you know I don't lie to you. I tell you the truth. I tell you the truth when I say that this is the episode that you need to listen to all the way to the very end. It is Thanksgiving week, and this is the one. If you're feeling unlucky, if you're feeling like you can't catch a break, if you're feeling behind, if you just got some terrible news, this is the one that you got to listen to because it will transform your mindset. We're going to be talking about the wake up call that you need if you know that you lack emotional grit. I'm here with Pretty Ambitious Summit speaker, Dr. Neeta Bhushan who is a best-selling author, Forbes contributor, leadership coach, international speaker, and all around wife, mom, and badass boss babe. Here we go.
Welcome to the Pretty Rich Podcast, where every woman in the heroine of her own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I've built a million dollar beauty business from nothing. So maybe if you listen enough, you'll start to believe that you can do it too, because if the perfect job doesn't exist, well, you can create it. If the job you want isn't hiring you, you can unapologetically hire yourself. Each episode will equip you with empowering conversations on how to grow a lifestyle that's pretty rich in love, beauty, wellness, and financial wealth. I'm Sheila Bella, beauty business coach, celebrity brow artist, global success speaker, author, serial entrepreneur, wife, mother, friend, daughter, and your forever positive beauty biz sales guru. Let's go.
Hey, what's going on, you guys? Happy Thanksgiving week. Are you ready? Are you ready for Thanksgiving? I think I am. I'm one of those shoppers that just kind of throws a bunch of things in the cart and hopefully I got everything. Winging it, just like I do my eyeliner. So today we have Dr. Neeta Bhushan who is just phenomenal, okay? I'm just going to say it. I was going to release this podcast a little bit later, and I was like, "Mm-mm (negative). It's Thanksgiving week. We are all about gratitude this week, so I got to release it now." Because once you hear this girl's story, you will understand that she is the epitome of gratitude. I can't wait for the feedback that I know I'm going to get on the gram after this episode. I can't wait to hear your thoughts. I'm even more excited to be introducing her to you guys at the Pretty Ambitious Summit. She's going to be speaking on day one. So not only is Neeta a best-selling author and a leadership coach, she had a seven figure cosmetic dentistry business that she walked away from. So she knows a thing or two about building successful businesses and pivoting.
So I'm excited to be bringing her onstage for you guys at the summit. So in case you haven't noticed, I am obsessed with my event, the Pretty Ambitious Summit, because I know, I'm so confident that it will truly help you guys. I know that it's going to change your lives. It's like this, right? For those of you who sometimes say to yourself, "I should be further along. I have been working so hard and I should be a lot further along than I am now." Yes, sis. I have said this so many times in my business building. I know how it feels, totally. I am you, I feel you, I was you. Yes, you should be further along, right? But here's the thing. In order to succeed, there are three things, three key things that you cannot up level without.
Number one is confidence. Number two is knowledge, and the third thing is community. I want to give you those three things in one epic weekend. That's why you need to join me at the Pretty Ambitious Summit. It is a live event that is guaranteed to ignite a fire in your belly and give you tools that will work and introduce you to a network of boss babes who support you and get you. I designed this to give you those three things, confidence, knowledge, and community. Day one is going to be centered around doing that mindset work. Day one is going to be tackling fears about why is it that we feel so paralyzed with fear and what can we do to conquer and exponentially grow our confidence, our inner confidence to overcome that fear. The speakers on day one, I get weak in the knees just thinking about how amazing they're going to be. How I define the word amazing in this case is I know that they're going to make you feel amazing, you are going to have a transformation, you.
When I'm there on March 13th, 14th, and 15th of 2020 in Santa Monica, when that event is happening not only am I going to be watching the speakers, I'm going to be watching your faces more, because I've had personal transformations happen when these women have spoken to me. So I know the power that they hold in their words and in their wisdom, and in their confidence. I'm sharing my best friends with all of you.
The lineup on day two is going to be focused on knowledge and strategy. Yeah, sure, you can feel good, but now what? How do you execute? What do you execute? So the lineup on day two is filled with incredible coaches, speakers, business women who are already in the permanent makeup and the beauty industry who are killing the game, and they're going to teach you to do the same thing. They're going to tell you how they edit their Instagram pictures, they're going to tell you how they fill up their classes and their permanent makeup training tours. They're going to tell you how they've developed profitable products. They're going to tell you how they get booked out, what is the freaking difference between their businesses and yours.
So you're not only going to be just learning from me, you're going to be learning from them, all the key players in the industry. I think the reason why we're so insecure sometimes is because we don't know. We don't know, but knowledge is confidence. So if you're confused about branding, marketing, sales, how to conquer your fear, how to feel better about doing this scary thing, how to have more self-discipline, how to communicate to the world that you exist and that your service is awesome, and that you are awesome, we know that, but how do you communicate that to the right people? How to design the life and the business of your dreams. I want to transform that confusion into clarity and turn that fear into excitement in one epic weekend. We all know that your net worth is directly correlated to your network, right? So you're going to get connected at PAS, with entrepreneurial humans who think like you, who are just as lonely as you, because bossing is really hard to do on your own, and we really need each other.
So if you haven't gotten your ticket, now is the perfect time because it's the lowest price we're ever going to be selling it for. For a limited time only until Monday at midnight bold tickets are on sale. Instead of paying 598, you pay 478 and it is the lowest price we've ever gone for bold tickets, or any ticket tier as a matter of fact, but you only have until cyber Monday to do it. So go to prettyambitioussummit.com and get your ticket using the code Black Friday. We're expecting 300 women to show up, and by the way, some women are bringing their hubbies. Regardless, this is PMU girl power.
So today Neeta Bhushan. She's here. She'll be speaking at the summit, but you'll get to preview her now, and get to know her now, and fall in love with her even before you meet her in person. I know that you guys are going to be just as obsessed with her as I am. So here, welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast, Dr. Neeta Bhushan.
Hey, what's up, you guys? Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast.
Neeta Bhushan:
Woo-hoo.
Sheila Bella:
Did you hear that woo-woo? Can you guess who it is?
Neeta Bhushan:
Because you read the title, right? As soon as you clicked on.
Sheila Bella:
It's Neeta Bhushan everybody.
Neeta Bhushan:
So excited to be here. So excited.
Sheila Bella:
So we were just talking about how she's wearing her coaching hat.
Neeta Bhushan:
The coaching hat, it is a gray felt with a little bit of a khaki here. Yes, on a beautiful day that we have here in-
Sheila Bella:
Yes, Southern California.
Neeta Bhushan:
... LA.
Sheila Bella:
It was like 50 degrees this morning and now it's like 100 degrees.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, because that's just what happens here.
Sheila Bella:
That is what happens.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, so I'm sweating now, but it's okay.
Sheila Bella:
I love this heather gray one.
Neeta Bhushan:
Oh, thank you.
Sheila Bella:
I have five of these.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, it's the best.
Sheila Bella:
That's how you can spot another coach in LA.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's the best.
Sheila Bella:
On Silver Lake or Playa Vista.
Neeta Bhushan:
In Playa Vista.
Sheila Bella:
Or in Santa Monica. She's wearing the hat, she's a coach. I've seen her online. Okay.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's true. It's not red.
Sheila Bella:
Hilarious. Oh my gosh. So for my audience who ... I know a lot of them started following you since we did the Pretty Ambitious Summit giveaway, you are going to be a speaker there.
Neeta Bhushan:
I know. So amazing. I can't wait.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Thank you so much for that, love.
Sheila Bella:
I'm so excited too.
Neeta Bhushan:
So excited too.
Sheila Bella:
I'm just so stoked to introduce you to this audience that I care about so much. This community that I care about so much, it's more than an audience, because every time I spend time with you, you just spark something in me that it's almost like I can hear myself again, or a part of myself. Oh, there I am.
Neeta Bhushan:
There she is.
Sheila Bella:
There's that part of me, right?
Neeta Bhushan:
The fun, goofy. I feel like ... Yeah. Thank you for that, love. Thank you. I think that when we meet, because girlfriends ... We met, what, earlier this year?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's just like we just dropped in.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, we did.
Neeta Bhushan:
Super fast and super deep, you guys. As much as you give me all of this praise, thank you, but I see that same thing in you.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks.
Neeta Bhushan:
I feel like, and maybe your audience can relate, but I feel like when we meet somebody, maybe just like us, or maybe it's like sharing the same beliefs or whatever, and you guys know, ladies know that when building a business it's not always easy.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Because there are so many things. I feel like you having children, and me going into this whole world of motherhood this year. You guys, I have a toddler, 13 month old. So I felt like there are so many overlaps with us.
Sheila Bella:
There are.
Neeta Bhushan:
Filipina.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Pinays right, in the house. Married.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
So partners that really adore us and all of that, but then children.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Like, whoa.
Sheila Bella:
And we're the same age.
Neeta Bhushan:
And we're the same age. I mean. Not that age matters, because-
Sheila Bella:
We were just talking about how past 35, it's all the same.
Neeta Bhushan:
You don't know.
Sheila Bella:
It's all the same.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Why are [crosstalk 00:12:34]?
Neeta Bhushan:
30, 30 what? Why are you asking me? Don't ask.
Sheila Bella:
Don't even ask.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's all good.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. So I like to take my podcast guests through a quick get to know in the beginning, just so we can get a brief lay of the land. What's going on? Who is Neeta?
Neeta Bhushan:
Okay.
Sheila Bella:
Okay. Where are you from and where did you grow up?
Neeta Bhushan:
Okay. Chicago, Illinois. That's where I'm from, but where I'm from from, parents are immigrants. So first generation. Mom is from the Philippines, from Manila, and my father is from India, from New Delhi.
Sheila Bella:
Nice. Where do you live now?
Neeta Bhushan:
In good ole Los Angeles.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Where the weather is very predictable.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's always sunny and shiny.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
I feel like when it rains, everyone's soul kind of goes somewhere.
Sheila Bella:
It's still hot.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, it's still hot.
Sheila Bella:
Sometimes when it rains it's hot. Next question. Do you have a favorite quote right now?
Neeta Bhushan:
What is coming to me right now? Honestly, I think for me lately in this season, I think it's my own quote.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
And it's something that I do wear on my wrist. If you guys were to see me, I'm wearing this on my wrist, but it's a motto. It's kind of one of the values that we live by, my husband and I, our family, and how we even share this in our communities, is to serve love, and how are you serving love every day? So whether this is my guiding question, or how this resonates for me, or you, or whoever is listening. For me it's yeah, how are you showing up every day and serving love in the ways that you want? Whether it's creating, or receiving, or being.
Sheila Bella:
Receiving is serving, huh?
Neeta Bhushan:
Receiving is serving. Receiving is serving.
Sheila Bella:
Whoa, mind F right now. Yeah. So next time someone gives you a compliment.
Neeta Bhushan:
Because you're serving love to yourself in that moment-
Sheila Bella:
Oh, that's true.
Neeta Bhushan:
... if you're receiving, right?
Sheila Bella:
That's true. Well, I was thinking like well, you know how as women I think it's very difficult to receive compliments. It's like even that it's just really hard, just [crosstalk 00:15:04]-
Neeta Bhushan:
It's tough.
Sheila Bella:
... say thank you.
Neeta Bhushan:
Right.
Sheila Bella:
You were giving me a compliment in the lobby, I think, and I was like, "Mm-hmm (affirmative), thank you." I had to coach myself through that, like yeah, you're right. I receive that, thank you.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah. To even, like you said just right now, to even acknowledge the fact that oh, I receive that. Back in the day, I never even thought that was even in my vocabulary, I receive that. I think that's a California thing, maybe.
Sheila Bella:
Been doing it past couple months. I don't know, I picked it up, and I was like, "I like that. I'm going to take it."
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, but it's true, because I mean, if we can't receive what other people say about us, and that's the problem I feel like for a lot of high achieving women who want to do it all or have so many responsibilities. You just forget.
Sheila Bella:
We do.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's like we forget about this.
Sheila Bella:
We do.
Neeta Bhushan:
And us.
Sheila Bella:
How bad does it feel? Not bad, like how disheartening is it when you try to give somebody a compliment and you really want them to receive it? Please, please take this.
Neeta Bhushan:
Mm-hmm (affirmative), yes.
Sheila Bella:
And they're not taking it, right? That also feels bad for that person. So think about you not receiving that compliment, you selfish.
Neeta Bhushan:
Right. Why do you need to put a wall up?
Sheila Bella:
You selfish. [crosstalk 00:16:28].
Neeta Bhushan:
I'm giving you some. Well, I mean, I feel like as women we're just ingrained. We're conditioned-
Sheila Bella:
To downplay.
Neeta Bhushan:
... to downplay, and not accept, and not take up space, but when we see our male counterparts, it's complete opposite.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's a complete opposite. It's like the balloon gets bigger, and they're starting to float in the air. For us, we're kind of like, "No, that wasn't me." But it was totally you, and acknowledge that and receive that. So ladies, today receive.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Use it, use it. If it is the first time you've heard it, you heard it here first, even though it wasn't our first time.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Start saying, "I receive that."
Neeta Bhushan:
I receive that, thank you. Own it. Own it girl, own it.
Sheila Bella:
Next question. What was your favorite memory this year?
Neeta Bhushan:
Funny enough, my husband and I, we were just talking about that yesterday on our date night, because obviously this year was a lot. For me it was the whole experience of, and of course there have been many because raising a toddler, pulling him out of your creator space, all of that stuff. For me it was having him latch on for the first time, and I could say, "Oh wow, I'm making this for him. There's milk coming out of me for the first time." And more than any other thing that I could do in my business, or any of the goals that we're slaying or crushing, because this was real. It's a mini human that I created and birthed, and now I'm nourishing him. And to really take that moment to receive that. I mean, it's just so powerful.
Sheila Bella:
That's amazing.
Neeta Bhushan:
Really to reflect on it, just-
Sheila Bella:
To reflect on it.
Neeta Bhushan:
Recently, we were just having a casual conversation, and I feel like because we tend to go, go, go, and we're so knee-deep in what we're doing that many times we don't even have the time to reflect. So thank you. Thank you for that question.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I have another question if you liked that one.
Neeta Bhushan:
Sure. Sure, keep going. Keep going.
Sheila Bella:
If you were not yourself, let's say you were your own announcer, okay? You were your own announcer and you're about to go on stage to speak, right? And your job was to encompass Neeta Bhushan in an introduction. What would you unapologetically, as not yourself, okay? Say about the next person who is coming on this stage.
Neeta Bhushan:
I love this.
Sheila Bella:
Because you were just talking about how us as women, we tend to downplay it, and men were bigger, better.
Neeta Bhushan:
Totally.
Sheila Bella:
So I am going to challenge you right now.
Neeta Bhushan:
You are so challenging me right now. You guys, that's not fair. She's totally challenging me.
Sheila Bella:
What would you say as your own announcer? Your job is to serve this audience with the truth, with the truth.
Neeta Bhushan:
Wow, girl. That's deep. Okay, here. I'll give it a shot.
Sheila Bella:
Let's do it.
Neeta Bhushan:
And our next guest is an international best-selling author, speaker, advocate for emotional health and mental wellbeing, serial entrepreneur and leadership coach. Welcome to the stage, Dr. Neeta Bhushan.
Sheila Bella:
That was awesome. That was awesome.
Neeta Bhushan:
I think I might be sweating a little bit now, you guys.
Sheila Bella:
How did that feel to say all that?
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah. I mean, amazing.
Sheila Bella:
So I know we are all of these things on paper and stuff, right?
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
And yeah, you kind of need that.
Neeta Bhushan:
You need that.
Sheila Bella:
You kind of need that, right?
Neeta Bhushan:
That's a great exercise, though. It's a great exercise.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Thank you.
Sheila Bella:
I just thought of it right now.
Neeta Bhushan:
She's good, you guys. She's good, in case you didn't know that already.
Sheila Bella:
[crosstalk 00:20:55] You're welcome.
Neeta Bhushan:
I thought I was the coach here, but no. She's got one up.
Sheila Bella:
So I mean, yeah. What does that feel like? I know we're all these things on paper, but that's really you. You really are those things, and even just that sentence doesn't even encompass all of the things that you are privately, between you, and your son, your husband, and your closest friends. It doesn't even encompass all of it. You are magical.
Neeta Bhushan:
Thank you, love.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Oof, I receive that.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, you're good.
Neeta Bhushan:
I receive it. Receiving all of this in myself, [crosstalk 00:21:32] my bones. That's the title of this.
Sheila Bella:
I was just going to say, oh great, we just got the title. So when we first met, and we met ... Oh, we met at a dinner.
Neeta Bhushan:
We did meet at a dinner.
Sheila Bella:
We did.
Neeta Bhushan:
I was sitting I think opposite of you, possibly, yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. Across from me, right. But the second time we met up for brunch.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
Right?
Neeta Bhushan:
That was the best.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, that was a nice time.
Neeta Bhushan:
Love that.
Sheila Bella:
You told me your life story.
Neeta Bhushan:
I did.
Sheila Bella:
And I was like-
Neeta Bhushan:
I dropped a bomb on you that day.
Sheila Bella:
I was like, "Okay. Okay." I could barely finish my food, although I managed to, trust me.
Neeta Bhushan:
She did.
Sheila Bella:
But I mean, your life story is one that I've told to several of my friends. I think your life story is what I whip out at parties.
Neeta Bhushan:
She's like, "What am I going to share tonight?"
Sheila Bella:
I have this friend, you'll never ... I have this friend, she's incredible. It is that ... I don't want to say good. It's rich.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
It's rich.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's real.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's real.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, would you mind telling our audience, the friend that's listening to this right now?
Neeta Bhushan:
Oh girl.
Sheila Bella:
All about you and before you were Dr. Neeta Bhushan now, who were you 20 years ago?
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah. Wow, okay. We're going to go down there.
Sheila Bella:
I moved the mic closer to her.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes, she did. She did. Here we go. Yeah. I think that it is a powerful story, and obviously I think to give context for all of you listening, and I think that it's important to really recognize the stories that play out in our lives for sure. This was one, well, many of these stories, which I'll be sharing.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, many stories. Uh-huh (affirmative).
Neeta Bhushan:
Sharing with you guys in just a moment, I think I tried so long to hide it, and to be normal because it's so much for people. I feel like now, even when I get interviewed, if they don't know the backstory and I just lay it out on a show or a podcast, I feel bad for the host because they'll start crying, or it was a completely unexpected reaction, they didn't think we were going to go there and we go there, because you ask.
Sheila Bella:
Well, you asked about my childhood.
Neeta Bhushan:
You asked.
Sheila Bella:
So I guess we're [crosstalk 00:24:21].
Neeta Bhushan:
So we're going to go there. Here we go.
Sheila Bella:
It's so important to tell, though.
Neeta Bhushan:
So important. So yeah, I was the oldest of three, and grew up in Chicago, Chi-Town. Yeah, my parents were first generation immigrants. So you know the Filipino like keeping up with the Joneses, and you go to Filipino class, you go to the ... What is it? The tinikling dance classes.
Sheila Bella:
Tinikling class.
Neeta Bhushan:
Where you dance with the bamboos.
Sheila Bella:
The bamboo.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yep. I think there was one where you do this with the water.
Sheila Bella:
A candle.
Neeta Bhushan:
No.
Sheila Bella:
Was this like water?
Neeta Bhushan:
Well, we used water, so yeah. If you guys are even watching, just go Google it. No, YouTube it, sorry YouTube it.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, [crosstalk 00:25:08].
Neeta Bhushan:
You'll see what I'm saying. Yeah, so I grew up with a lot of that. Piano lessons on Saturdays, dance classes during the week, all of it, and you would think this was a very normal upbringing, but I grew up really fast. So my childhood pretty much kind of ended when I was 10 years old, where I was faced to take the responsibilities of the house because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. So I was 10 and my younger brothers were five and eight. My dad, culturally from India, he was totally distraught because you don't have a wife that actually is dying in front of you. So that was kind of the mix in our household, and this was for six years of my childhood. So six years, from 10 to 16. You guys know, that's the pivotal years of adolescence-
Sheila Bella:
Yes, it's formative.
Neeta Bhushan:
... and all of it. Maybe many of you have children around that age. So definitely tough. We ended up losing my mom when I was 16. So obviously things changed. I had to have obviously more responsibility, take care of my brothers, and still be that perfect girl. The perfect girl that made everybody else happy, that did all of the things. Cooked, cleaned, I learned a lot of household responsibilities right away.
Sheila Bella:
I want to backtrack a little bit and ask you the question though. So you from 10 to 16 you knew this. I'm sure your dad tried to prepare you, I'm doing air quotations with this.
Neeta Bhushan:
Being Indian and Asian, when there is a death or when there is ... You guys, we didn't have any of that, right? What was preparing us for the inevitable, and nobody back then really was ... I think cancer more now is a bigger thing, and back then, especially in the community we were in, Asian community, you don't talk about that. You don't talk about what's not going well, right? You're keeping up with the Joneses, right? We're still wearing the nice clothes, and going to all of the Filipino parties pretending everything is okay, until it's not. Until you see her, like my mom, the last three months of her life, she had a tube down her throat and she was in the ICU unit, right? It was awful, it was obviously very traumatic. There was no recipe for this. What happened afterwards, and during that time, of course, was we had a ton of family, and I think that's the beauty of community. That's the beauty of our cultures, is that so much family came together and it was that consistently for years. I feel like we needed it, because if we didn't, I really don't think I would be here sitting across from you having this conversation. But a year later tragedy would strike our family again.
Sheila Bella:
Hey, real quick before we continue on with the podcast. I just wanted to pop on here and tell you a little story. My client was like, "Sheila, how are you in my head all the time? Everything you post, everything you say, I feel like you're reading my thoughts." Listen, you can call me psychic all you want, but that's not what it is. I am not psychic, I know these things because I used to be you. I know what it's like to be so hungry for success than you can almost taste it, but get frustrated because everything you're trying doesn't seem to be working as well as everybody else. Or I know what it's like to be confused on what the next step should be, and you just ask your friends or copy other people, but you're not really sure. Let me tell you that you can't build a business on guessing or copying others. That's not building a business on a solid foundation. You need real strategy, you need somebody who's been there before to push you out of your comfort zone and show you the way. Do you know you can be much more successful if you have a coach or a mentor keeping you accountable?
Sheila Bella:
It's kind of like a game of let's make a deal, right? Where the host is like, "Tell me, where is the grand prize? You choose. Is it behind door number one or door number two?" And if you still haven't been trained to do the business part of beauty bossing, you're just going to guess, but having a coach or a mentor will tell you that girl, it's behind door number one. Open up door number one. I wish more than anything that I had a coach or a mentor specifically telling me what to do when I was first starting out in the beauty business, but I didn't, so I had to figure it out the hard way, but I was able to build a seven figure beauty brand within three years, but I didn't do that painlessly. All of those mistakes hurt, and they hurt bad. I don't want you to have to go through the same thing. You can shortcut your way to the top. You can skip the line with Pretty Rich University. That's what I created. I created what I needed 10 years ago. PRU is my online mentorship program that offers business support for beauty professionals.
Sheila Bella:
It offers sales training, social media marketing, confidence workshops, and group support. So if you're interested in learning more about one-on-one coaching, or Pretty Rich University and mentorship, send me a direct message on Instagram @realsheilabella, or you can send me an email at [email protected]. Now, back to the podcast.
Neeta Bhushan:
And in this time it would ... So at this point of my life I was a senior in high school, and I was ready to go off to college. My brother, DJ, who we were 16 months apart, and he was in high school across the street from me. So we went to rival high schools, and we were meeting. This was during homecoming, and it was homecoming, I was a senior, he was a sophomore, and for whatever reason that day he didn't carry his inhaler. He might have, I mean, he was 15 years old, but we were supposed to meet at I think it was Taco Bell, if we want to get into the details of the story, but he basically never made it because he had collapsed, and he was with our friend, and he collapsed, and his lungs collapsed over his heart that day. So he had a severe massive asthma attack, which was, I mean, he wasn't really sick. He wasn't sick at all, actually. He did have asthma, but nothing where ... He didn't need to carry an EpiPen or anything like that. So this was-
Sheila Bella:
And you were going to meet him at Taco Bell.
Neeta Bhushan:
We were going to meet, yeah, and he just, he never came. I mean, obviously that day a huge shock in our lives because they got him to the ambulance, and taking him to the hospital, and in the ambulance they tried to revive him three times but he was pronounced dead at the hospital.
Sheila Bella:
Where were you when you heard the news of DJ?
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, so I was with one of my best friends, who is still one of my best friends to this day, Bianca. Oh gosh, she ... You know you have those besties who's been through your thick and thin. Her mom took care of my mom in the hospital. She had been with me through every single tragedy, and still is to this day. She's in Chicago. Hey, Bianca. So yeah, I was at her house, and I remember that call so vividly.
Sheila Bella:
From your dad?
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah. My dad. We don't have cellphones back then, guys.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
So of course my dad calls Bianca's mom, and then he's frantic on the phone, and Silvia is Bianca's mom's name, she's like, "Neeta, your dad's on the phone." I'm like, "What did I do now?" Because you know, rebel teenager. I'm like, "It's homecoming, can't even do that with my friends." So of course a lot of emotions are in my head too as a teenager navigating through grief, and loss, and all these things.
Sheila Bella:
Still so fresh from your mom's passing.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah. And not only that, this was my brother's 12th birthday. My youngest brother, Vinay, his 12th birthday, and my dad in on the phone, and I knew as soon as he got on the phone, fuck, there's something else that happened. For those of you who have experienced any sort of pain or fear, or just uncertainty where your stomach just drops and you're like, "Fuck, not again. Not again, not again." And you go into panic mode, and this is me at ... I'm 17 at this point. I'm like, "Fuck, no. No, no, no. This can't be the worst case scenario." My dad said, "DJ had an asthma attack, we're going to the hospital. Can you come there now?" It's all he said. I don't think they gave him enough briefing, because the school actually had to call my father, and there's a whole situation around that as well.
So luckily the hospital was very close to where Bianca lived, and there's so Ubers back then or anything like that. We took the train there, which was in Chicago just like 20 minutes away. So we got there and just the devastation, because I didn't even have to go in the room. I mean, I just dropped to my knees and started wailing, and bawling, and crying because yeah, we got the news that he left. Some of which people said maybe he just needed to be with your mom, so that was kind of the ... We always considered DJ being the angel, the angel of the family, and it left me with my brother, and myself, and my dad. That time took my dad into a very severe depression. We were shocked and paralyzed. You couldn't move. We were paralyzed with so much grief and just what to do next, because you didn't even process the full loss of mom, and then you have this happen. So take a breather, you guys. Take a breather, take a back seat, get some water. Story is not over yet.
Sheila Bella:
Not over.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's not over. Slowly we began to rebuild our lives. I couldn't go away for college. I had applied to all of these Ivy League schools, and all of these places, and I got into all of them. I had to say no because I had to say yes to my family. So during those next two years I would go into school. I was working three jobs, still being that "perfect daughter."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. So you had to care for [crosstalk 00:37:15].
Neeta Bhushan:
I had to care for everyone, and at this point my dad just was not, he wasn't working. So my grandmother stepped in, my mom's mom. My dad's sister stepped in. My grandmother, my grandmother's sister also stepped in. So we had a lot of family that was really helping take care for us, take care of us, cook meals for us, really add to our livelihood. So take us shopping, buy us clothes, all of those things, but if you look at us from the outside, we were still fine. We were fine, but internally, I mean, of course we started therapy and all of those things. Oh yeah, we started therapy soon after my brother died, because it was so much for my dad.
Sheila Bella:
Individually or as a group?
Neeta Bhushan:
Initially as a group, and then my brother was very young, he was 12, so he needed to be in a different program for young children, and for me as well individually. My dad had a lot of the healing from that, and he changed a lot of his habits as well. We had so much community, you guys, so much. So much, and we're so blessed to this day to have that much pouring in from family friends who really just took us as their children in many ways, but I knew it was a lot of grief on my father because he's an Indian man. In those communities you're kind of, you either get a wife right away, and my dad didn't want to do that to us, but he almost felt like he was the outcast a lot of time, and that people were always looking down on him. There was that legacy and pride as a family to protect that. So I felt like I took that on myself, that I'm never going to let people pity us, or feel bad for us. We're fine, we got this. So that was that chip on my shoulder that I got going into adulthood.
So two years passed and basically my brother and I, we get this invitation that one of our cousins is getting married. My dad's like, "You know what? Let's go." We were just making the decision that we were going to go public and be part of family events for the first time in a few years where we were just grieving. My brother decided to dye my father's hair black. So he got one of these, I don't know, boxed color dyes, and dyed my dad's hair black, and then of course this would change the rest of our lives. But my dad had a severe allergic reaction. So severe allergic reaction to us, so two people who have already been through a lot of trauma with their family members was he started to swell up. I don't tell this story a lot, it's kind of ... So we're getting in it, guys, and you guys are getting front row seats.
Sheila Bella:
I'm interested.
Neeta Bhushan:
But my dad, he turns purple, and he's already a darker Indian man, but he was turning purple and we're just, it's like that feeling in your throat again, in your chest.
Sheila Bella:
Again, because of the trauma.
Neeta Bhushan:
And you're just feeling that again, and you're like, "No, this isn't happening. No, no, this is not happening. No, this is not happening." We call 911. So we basically get to the hospital, and you guys, it's the same hospital.
Sheila Bella:
That you've been to.
Neeta Bhushan:
That I've been to my whole freaking life. I'll never forget that hospital. If you guys are in Chicago, it's Thorek Hospital, never forget it. So we're there, we're back into our old stomping grounds, and I just remember being so angry and just mad. This mad teenager, but I was just angry and mad. So they took my dad in, they did all of these routine tests. Routine tests for hair dye, but he was oozing from his head, and it was just ... And of course my brother feels really terrible and guilty, but thank god for that. Thank god for that because after those routine tests, and of course this lump in my throat that's just, it's like that intuition like we were just talking about earlier, of like fuck, don't tell me. Don't tell me we're going to do this again. Please, don't tell me we're going to do this again.
I remember the doctor coming out, who was the same doctor that was my mom's doctor who is a family friend, and he's like, "I hate to tell you this, but your dad has stage four lung cancer." And I nearly fell on my knees to the floor. I was just screaming. I was screaming at the doctor. I was probably cursing. I was so angry, and I was just in disbelief. I think my father was in disbelief because he was in the best health of his life. He was jogging six miles a day, and just really getting a renewed sense of purpose back. You guys, he was on AOL chat, AOL chat rooms. When we had chat rooms to talk to people with the dial up. He was in it and he was speaking to other women across the world. So he had purpose.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
He was loving again, and that charm, and that flirtation, it came back. For him to just, his life just went, because they told him right then and there he didn't have much to live, it was stage four. They couldn't operate on whatever the tumor that they found. It was on one of the lungs. My brother and I were just, were in shock. He passed later that year, nine months later.
So to say that I was orphaned at 19, to say that I had responsibilities with my youngest brother, and to say that I fully had to grow up is a full understatement because I feel like I've endured most trauma, and hardship, and adversity than people encounter in their entire lives in this short amount of time of three to four years. Where I checked into my 20s full force, with all of this, I don't know what we want to call it, maybe resilience, grit, but even this massive ... Because there's two ways to go about it. There is a way where you could just say, "Fuck the world and the world is nasty, and the world is terrible, and why me?" Right? The full victimhood of why not somebody else and why me, or you can go on the other end of the spectrum and say, "All right world, I got you. I got this." And we're going to just go through it like warriors. I felt like I chose path two, and probably because we had so much family, was so much loving and supportive family.
Sheila Bella:
Community.
Neeta Bhushan:
So much community. Our friends, you guys. Even when I was in high school when my brother died there was a massive memorial. We had 1,000 kids, like kids. Looking back, I'm like wow, they were 14, 15, 16, 17. They had within both of the schools, because I went to Lane Tech and he went to Gordon Tech. We had 1,000 people in my class. So they had these silver ribbons that everybody wore to really honor my brother DJ, and they wore that for years. So it was so powerful. We still get from his classmates who still honor him, and it's been, I mean, well over 10 years of his passing. So it was so awesome to really experience the love. Much of the work that I do now is so informed, and really has shaped how I show up for other people in businesses, companies, organizations of really tying in emotional leadership, emotional health, mental health, because I know what it's like to have that community and to have that support, and we know what it looks like on the other end. We know that statistically depression is at an all-time high. There's somebody that commits suicide I think it's every 40 seconds. I mean, you got to check the stats. I know that it's on, it's the UN goals or the UN News because we're doing something similar in our community where we're finally releasing our emotional grit course.
So a lot of these facts are very fresh and real. But on the other side of the spectrum, where people are so isolated and so lonely, and loneliness is huge now, to not have that. So for us we could've been in that boat. We could've decided that we're not going to have any community, we're going to grieve in private. So for those of you who probably have family members, or maybe you're going through a tough time, please don't isolate yourself.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
That's the worst thing that we could do is to isolate.
Sheila Bella:
So you credit community for getting you through?
Neeta Bhushan:
A 1,000%. I mean, community among other things, of course.
Sheila Bella:
I want to know what those other things are, because listen, some of us have a bad day at work.
Neeta Bhushan:
Oh yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Right? And then somebody flippantly says, "Oh, I want to kill myself because I had a bad day at work. My boss in on me, or this client was terrible." Blah, blah, blah, they got a bad review. Yeah, you feel like crap at the end of the day. Then I think about you, I think about Neeta and I'm like, "Wait, what the heck am I complaining about?" What do you think that is? What else aside from community do you think that is? Because there are probably people listening to this who know people who've gone through a lot of loss, who have community. Or maybe you're the one who is trying to reach out and try to help this person. You accepted help.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, receiving.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, again.
Neeta Bhushan:
Again, receiving.
Sheila Bella:
There it goes, birth. What do you think that quality is inside you? If I can put it in a bottle and sell it to people, what would that consist of? Because my husband coined this term, and it's probably going to be the title of his next book. Yeah, I'm outing [crosstalk 00:48:25].
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
It's mindset privilege. You know how there's different privileges, right?
Neeta Bhushan:
I love that. I love that.
Sheila Bella:
There's racial privilege.
Neeta Bhushan:
I love that.
Sheila Bella:
There's wealth privilege, attractiveness.
Neeta Bhushan:
That's great. That's so great.
Sheila Bella:
But what about the privilege of being brought up in the correct, not correct, but a mindset that's actually going to be useful for you and make you resilient?
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
It sounds like you had that kind of upbringing. What is that mindset privilege you think that we could bottle from you?
Neeta Bhushan:
It's interesting because when I was living in the Bay Area and I had just released my book, Emotional Grit, and that year, it was that year that there were I think three suicides in the Palo Alto school community. Three suicides in Palo Alto High School community. You guys, this is where Facebook, and Twitter, and all of the Google, where all of these big, where Silicon Valley, and this is where their kids go to school. So one of the most high pressure places to be at in school in the US. When I was asked to share thoughts with the moms on why is it that kids are now committing suicide, and what are the differences between those who have mindset privilege and those that don't have any grit, or resilience, or have never faced any sort of adversity, and why is it that they crumble or why are they resorting to suicide?
Neeta Bhushan:
For this particular community what was happening was they had so many helicopter parents. Their parents were battling their battles. Their parents were yelling at the principal. Their parents were doing X, Y, and Z for them, and telling them exactly what to do. So how can a kid develop their own tenacity, their own grit if they haven't fallen flat on their face?
Sheila Bella:
They haven't had to.
Neeta Bhushan:
They've never had to. So the worst thing that could happen to them is getting an F, which if the parents go to school and say, "Uh-uh (negative), my kid doesn't do that. My kid never fails. You got that wrong. You got that wrong."
Sheila Bella:
You might want to look at that again.
Neeta Bhushan:
So can you imagine how devastating it would be, and then they would resort to something ... Because they can't deal with the shame, they've never had tools in order to deal with that. So for me, and there's many stories out there of this, where you have even a lot of inner city kids. Some of you guys listening to this, you guys have some interesting backstories and we all have stories, and we may not have had the financial privilege, because there was a time where I was on food stamps, but I knew I needed to fucking hustle. I knew I needed to go from job to job, because seeing my father not being able to cope with all of the things because he didn't have the right tools, because in the Indian culture you don't talk about men being weak of grieving. God forbid you're grieving or crying because you lost most of your family members, they don't have that. So for me, I had to hustle it out, and if that meant working three jobs, if that meant scooping ice cream, if that meant tutoring at this whatever great university just to get to help my dad with whatever expenses. I was A, going through that hardship for sure.
I think also the fact that we had a sense of deep spirituality. My father wasn't really religious and my mom was Catholic, so technically I guess you could say we were too, but any sort of worship practice. I remember being Evangelical Christian, I remember going to the temple, I remember going to the Sikh gurdwara. I remember going with my Muslim friends to the mosque. My father was any sort of community, because this was before yoga and CrossFit became a thing. Way, way, way before that.
Sheila Bella:
The religion of CrossFit.
Neeta Bhushan:
Right, basically. The church of yoga. So it was that, and to have rituals that you are doing to maybe, even that we didn't fully believe in Catholicism, it was a way to honor my mom, and to remember her, and to remember the times we did do that, and to be thankful, and to be ... My gratitude practice was in those times of ... And it's got shaped and built during those times of hardship. My prayer practice, doesn't matter who I was praying to, it was shaped during that time of sending her love, of sending my parents love, of praying that we were going to be okay. Maybe even praying that please, God don't take away my family, and of course when you have that sort of expectation and it does happen, I can see why people-
Sheila Bella:
Get mad.
Neeta Bhushan:
... get mad at that.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
But also to have this spirit of optimism, because it was so dark during those days. So if I were to bottle all of this up, it would definitely be do we have the tools to create joy on a daily basis, even when you are going through something super tough, like a tough day at work?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Do you have the tools? Do you have a playlist on YouTube? Do you have a song playlist that you can play right away that will immediately change your state?
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
A lot of the research that I've done around emotional grit and emotional health, we even talk about creating your format [inaudible 00:54:42] or your grit kit.
Sheila Bella:
Nice.
Neeta Bhushan:
Which your grit kit is really all of the things that can help you shift your mood, right? We know movement does that. If you're going into Mondays like, "What?"
Sheila Bella:
Dance party.
Neeta Bhushan:
Can you put a dance party on on Monday morning? But these are some of the small things, and I feel like we totally take for granted.
Sheila Bella:
For granted.
Neeta Bhushan:
But this is what is needed to build and strengthen your emotional health.
Sheila Bella:
What's in your grit kit?
Neeta Bhushan:
Well, if you ask me right now, since we've got a toddler, it's a little tough, but here's what ideally, if I had my ideal morning, this is what it would look like. Waking up early. I know you're like a 5:00 AM, 4:30 AM girl, but for me it's 6:00 AM. At 6:00 AM I'm rolling off of my bed. I have a rebounder that's outside. For those of you who don't know what a rebounder is, it's just like a little trampoline. It kind of shakes you up and wakes you up, all of that. So I have that. So I'm jumping on that 10 to 20 times, 30 times if I really need to shake things up, but then I'm stretching. So I'm moving oxygen into my body. Then I'm doing a breathwork practice for a minute. Breathing in and out.
Sheila Bella:
Breathwork for a minute. That's great.
Neeta Bhushan:
30 breaths.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
30 breaths. You have your hand over your belly, the in out, but 30 times, and then you hold it after 30 times, and then you're holding it, and then you count that when you're holding your breath, you count up to eight, and then you let go, and you do that three more times.
Sheila Bella:
Now, while you're doing that, are you thinking about anything else aside from just counting?
Neeta Bhushan:
So this is just breathwork to get oxygen through your body.
Sheila Bella:
Okay.
Neeta Bhushan:
Because what tends to happen is it activates your parasympathetic system. Do I meditate? Absolutely. This is my ideal day, right?
Sheila Bella:
Your ideal grit kit day where [crosstalk 00:56:50].
Neeta Bhushan:
So essentially I think for me breathwork at this point is really important, but yes. Then I journal. So after that, after my breathwork then I journal, but I'm journaling my three big wins of the day prior, which is my gratitude practice, right? So it gives you that time to reflect.
Sheila Bella:
What are your three big wins yesterday?
Neeta Bhushan:
Well, I'd have to say dance party with my son. I mean, yeah, I think that's the best always. Then date night with the hubby. Finally being able to chat about a few things, and then last night even cuddling with him, without any distractions, because you never know when our little guy is going to get up. So those were my three big wins yesterday.
Sheila Bella:
All relational.
Neeta Bhushan:
All relational, yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, that's really telling.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Unpacked.
Neeta Bhushan:
Unpacked, guys. Wow. I mean, we could keep going, right? We could keep going.
Sheila Bella:
We really could.
Neeta Bhushan:
There's so much.
Sheila Bella:
We really could.
Neeta Bhushan:
There's so much to unpack there.
Sheila Bella:
Oh gosh. You are such an impressive person. I love that you were able to give us something super tangible, to put together your grit kit. I think the episode I put out earlier this morning, I talked about how I supported myself through something scary.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes, yes.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, through surgery.
Neeta Bhushan:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, I was like oh-
Neeta Bhushan:
You had your own grit kit.
Sheila Bella:
... I had a grit kit.
Neeta Bhushan:
You totally did.
Sheila Bella:
Oh, that's what I was doing, okay.
Neeta Bhushan:
You totally did.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. It's the things we probably already know that we need to do, but it's not until it's laid out there. Maybe if they listen to this podcast they'll be like, "Oh, that's what I need to do." It's different when you have dedicated time to have a plan for a tragedy.
Neeta Bhushan:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Have a plan for when shit hits the fan. What do you do? Who do you call?
Neeta Bhushan:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you for reminding me about the little things, because yeah, I have those wins too. Isn't that why we're working so hard? Is to have more of those.
Neeta Bhushan:
It is. Couldn't be 1000% true, and I think that yes. While this sounds so easy, right? It sounds so easy, it sounds like we should be doing that, and why aren't we, right? If I were to tell my patients, when I used to tell them, "Hey, floss the teeth that you only, the ones you wish to keep. Floss the ones that you wish to keep." Right? Because you know, you guys know you should be flossing every single day, but really when push comes to shove at night, when you get to that habit, you're like, "No, I'm too tired. I'm just going to brush my teeth. Brush my teeth and go to bed." I mean, it happens to all of us, but can you actually make a habit and that behavior change, which is what I'm so curious about in your own mental health, before it gets to that point?
Sheila Bella:
Before it gets [crosstalk 01:00:14].
Neeta Bhushan:
Because most of us react when we have to instead of being-
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, we wait for tragedy.
Neeta Bhushan:
Well, and not just tragedy, but even any sort of negative slump or negative emotions, or many of you are building your businesses right now, and that impostor syndrome creeps up, and all of the things around it. How can you actually create that grit kit for you to stay mentally strong, emotionally sound, and just prepared every single day?
Sheila Bella:
Prepared.
Neeta Bhushan:
Prepared, every single day to battle stress.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
To battle overwhelm, to battle all of the things that life tosses your way in order for you to feel stronger and feel better.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. That's exactly what it is. All these daily habits, these daily practices that I have for self-care.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes.
Sheila Bella:
You think you're just preparing for the day, your day at work, and seeing your clients, but yeah, you're preparing for life because you never know. When I was talking to you a few months ago, I told you my husband had a stroke a year ago.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes. So crazy.
Sheila Bella:
Is so crazy at 36 years old, and I can see how the reason why I was able to handle that as well, air quotations, as well as I did, was my daily practices every day of self-discipline.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
That even if you don't feel like it, if it's not in your body right now to get up and do this thing, your mind is stronger and you still do it.
Neeta Bhushan:
Absolutely. You do it anyways.
Sheila Bella:
You do it anyway. Doing that every single day, at that time I was doing ice baths, for crying out loud.
Neeta Bhushan:
Oh my god, you were doing ice baths?
Sheila Bella:
Wim Hof. I was doing ice baths, I was-
Neeta Bhushan:
Of course you were.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, of course.
Neeta Bhushan:
Of course you were.
Sheila Bella:
And I did a seven day water fast and things [crosstalk 01:02:14].
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
So it's all about I think strengthening your mind, as cliché at that freaking sounds.
Neeta Bhushan:
But it's the truth.
Sheila Bella:
It's the truth.
Neeta Bhushan:
It couldn't be ever more true.
Sheila Bella:
That's probably why you hear it often.
Neeta Bhushan:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Sheila Bella:
Your mind really does need to rule you. It just does.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's so true. I mean, that's how we're wired as human beings. We are wired for not appreciating the good. We are wired for discontentment, because that's just how we are as humans. I'm reading this book, like I was telling you, it's called Indistractable by Nir Eyal. It's interesting when other scientists talk about what we're actually talking about. Your emotional grit kit, but he talks about the science around why are we wired for negativity. Why are we wired for these negative emotions? Although he doesn't call them negative emotions, he says something else. Because part of the things that he does is he, the companies that he kind of grooms are those that want to get us distracted on our devices. So this is the complete opposite of that, but he goes into well, humans are definitely more wired for that because that's just how we're born. So when things actually happen, it could definitely, it has the ability to, of course, make us or break us. If you don't, or if you're not wired to create those habits or tools, as we call them tools, emotional grit kit tools, then yeah, you'll be stuck in that slump.
Now we're getting, and this is the conversation inside of the book, is how to get people then distracted and on their devices, right? For apps. or purchasing things, or whatever, it's a great book, by the way, while they're in that state. So it really talks about human behavior, but at the core of it is why are we so ...
Sheila Bella:
Programmed
Neeta Bhushan:
Programmed to, well even just attracted to being distracted, because we don't want to be sitting in discomfort. So we distract ourselves with food, we distract ourselves with doing, with being busy, with all of those things instead of feeling those negative feelings, because those negative feelings are just, it's awful, but also we've never been given the tools to-
Sheila Bella:
Cope.
Neeta Bhushan:
... know how to cope with it, like calling a best friend, or breathing 30 times because you know you're going to activate your parasympathetic and you're going to feel better, or put on that jam from Paula Abdul from the '90s where you can rock it out.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
We don't have that inbuilt, but we do, what is inbuilt is distracting ourselves by going on social media, the gram, and that's easy because you could see somebody else is real, but if you're not cognizant of what you're watching, you're also still making yourself kind of in this comparasitis, which will lead you to some negative roads, again, because you haven't been able to have the tools to get you out of it.
Sheila Bella:
The tools are divine.
Neeta Bhushan:
Tools are so divine.
Sheila Bella:
That's divine action, because it's the harder route. It's inhuman, it's not human to do it the hard way, to do the hard things.
Neeta Bhushan:
Because we want it to be easy. We want it to be easy. We were talking about this earlier, right?
Sheila Bella:
Mm-hmm (affirmative), right.
Neeta Bhushan:
We want it to be ... And it's easier to avoid discontentment. It's easier to avoid discontentment, which is why a lot of times we will layer upon layer, upon layer, upon layer, upon layer of all of the stuff that is not going right. We're not going to face it head on, we'll just bury it.
Sheila Bella:
It's easier for the time being.
Neeta Bhushan:
Shove it under a rock.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
But it's not until the pain of all of that piling up exceeds the pain of avoidance, right?
Neeta Bhushan:
Absolutely.
Sheila Bella:
Until we act, or it's too late.
Neeta Bhushan:
Absolutely. I mean, for me in my instance, you guys think I was grieving during that process.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
What you guys didn't know was that for me even I distracted myself, because I made school and becoming a doctor or a dentist be that guiding light at the end of the tunnel. My silver lining was making X amount and having my own practice at the end of that tunnel. That was in my 20s.
Sheila Bella:
So you had purpose.
Neeta Bhushan:
We had purpose again.
Sheila Bella:
You had a goal, yeah.
Neeta Bhushan:
Had purpose, but never really did I grieve-
Sheila Bella:
That's huge.
Neeta Bhushan:
... until I met my ex husband to go through all of that, right?
Sheila Bella:
Oh my goodness.
Neeta Bhushan:
We kind of wake up, or we finally realize all of those things when we are ready. I guess for myself I wasn't ready during that time, because I wanted to be loved, I wanted to recreate a family that I lost.
Sheila Bella:
Right, we talked about this.
Neeta Bhushan:
Just wanted to be loved. Anyways, crazy.
Sheila Bella:
Let's switch gears before we close up, because you mentioned a little something about dentistry. So let's shift gears a little bit. Before all of this, before all of this stuff, the book and everything, you were a dentist.
Neeta Bhushan:
I was.
Sheila Bella:
You had a seven figure practice.
Neeta Bhushan:
I was, I did. Yeah, being here in your little amazing beautiful unicorn spot. I feel like I'm in unicorn land, by the way, ladies.
Sheila Bella:
[crosstalk 01:08:22] It's very pink.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, I missed my brick-and-mortar when I came here. I was like, "Oh wow, I totally remember that."
Sheila Bella:
Yeah, it's cool. [crosstalk 01:08:32] Community.
Neeta Bhushan:
Having the whole fam, and yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Little ecosystem we got going on.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yeah, love it. Love it. Get all of it, yeah. Yeah.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. So tell us a little bit about that. So you not only ... That's great about you, is you have also the experience of building a successful business, let's not forget that. I know a lot of dentists who are struggling. Dentistry, just because you have your dental license doesn't mean you're going to have a successful business. A lot of it is business building, it's marketing.
Neeta Bhushan:
It's business building for sure.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. So if you had, what are the three things that you know to be true about business building then that still apply now?
Neeta Bhushan:
Oh, that's such a great question.
Sheila Bella:
Three things.
Neeta Bhushan:
Such a great question. Be unapologetic with who you are, through and through. I think that as a young junior dentist I tried to ... You ladies are going into a field where a majority of you are ladies, right? I was going into a field where the majority were men. I was looked at many times as the assistant or the nurse. I was too young and I was always told I was too young. You're too young to be a doctor. Are you a doctor? Are you the doctor's daughter? Where is the doctor?
Sheila Bella:
Is it bring your daughter to work day?
Neeta Bhushan:
I swear, that's what I would get. You know, that was tough. I recognized that as soon, and I used to play classical music, I didn't wear any makeup on. The complete opposite of what we see today, right? But as soon as I made the switch, as soon as I made that shift of screw this, fuck this, we're playing. Back then it was like EDM was on my jam. Didn't matter if my patient was 75 years old coming in for her dentures, it was a party.
Sheila Bella:
Great.
Neeta Bhushan:
And as soon as I switched to be more of me for my community, which probably 70% were much older because it was a cosmetic dental practice, right? And we're transforming smiles, but it was a fun atmosphere. We only played Netflix. I mean, it was inspiring, it was education driven, it was growth driven, but that's who I was at my core. When I tried to be like my male counterparts or my male colleagues who are so stuffy, and the complete opposite of you and I, but of you, right? When I started stepping into more of who I was, I mean, it was just a complete ... And that's when I started to scale even faster.
Sheila Bella:
Wow.
Neeta Bhushan:
So I started to scale even faster when I just, I didn't care. When I didn't care about what everyone else was doing. I didn't care if certain things were being met, because if it wasn't applicable to me, then why should I worry about that, right? Because there were seven other offices in my area. That's a lot of freaking competition, and for me to grow 20 to 30% per year, while I was also taking down my hours. So I had to build my leadership.
So number one, be unapologetic with who you are, because that's still the case, even to this day.
Sheila Bella:
Even to this day.
Neeta Bhushan:
Even with the entrepreneurial projects that we're involved in. Number two, invest in your growth. Invest in your growth.
Sheila Bella:
That still rings true, for sure.
Neeta Bhushan:
1000%. I mean, if we don't grow, we're dying, right? We talked about that earlier today. If you are not investing in ... Because building a business, you guys, it's not like you're taking all the courses online and all of that. I mean, it's really investing in who is that person that you need to be at the end of the day. If you're still trying to worry about oh, how many people are looking at my account or my IG. Did this land? Did I get enough comments? Et cetera, et cetera, you want to invest in some of the things that you might not know a lot about, and that's okay because you're building a business. You're not meant to know all of it. That's why the business is not there for the short-term, it's there for the long haul. It's not there for the sprint, it's there for the marathon.
Sheila Bella:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Number three.
Neeta Bhushan:
Now, this is a big one. Be very mindful with ... And as a business owner, if you don't know about your accounts, if you don't know financial, just easy financial management, because it's one thing to own a seven figure practice, but it's one thing to own a seven figure practice when you're taking home nothing because you're spending it on everything.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I know a lot of people like that.
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes. They build the show, and they build the whole facade on the outside but they are struggling internally. So if I could give this advice and we give this to any entrepreneur that walks in our doors, either if they want investment or if they're just looking for business advice, it's take an accounting class. Those things are boring, but even just a financial management sheet.
Sheila Bella:
Financial literacy, anything.
Neeta Bhushan:
Anything on that, on saving, on what you can spend, on maybe building your credit. Anything around the basics of finance, because I tell you, even people who have seven figure businesses today, their financial literacy is not there, and they're spending more than they should.
Sheila Bella:
They're paying to be in business [crosstalk 01:14:44].
Neeta Bhushan:
They're paying to be in business, yes.
Sheila Bella:
Sometimes I'm like, "Whoa, okay."
Neeta Bhushan:
Yes, right.
Sheila Bella:
You're just paying to do all that word.
Neeta Bhushan:
And they're okay with it, but that would be my biggest advice.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you so much.
Neeta Bhushan:
I love you.
Sheila Bella:
I love you too. Where can we find you and how can we work with you? Oh, let's talk about the summit. What are you excited about? What's your topic about?
Neeta Bhushan:
Oh, wow. I think it's going to be around building grit while being an entrepreneur and all of the tools. If you guys liked all of that stuff, please comment and share if you liked a lot of what we were talking about today, because I think it's so valuable and so useful. One of the things that we do in our institute is we build capacity for leaders, and capacity is all things. It's your emotional leadership, it's how you treat your team members, if you choose to build a team or not. Whether you're working with freelancers and things like that. I'm excited for two things. So to really talk about honoring your grit and how to really kill it in the game when you're really slaying, and even if you are starting from complete scratch or getting the feel for what it looks like. So I'm excited to meet all of you guys, ladies.
Sheila Bella:
Oh my god. I am so stoked that you're going to be there. Where can we find you?
Neeta Bhushan:
Well, Instagram. I'm on the gram, so head over to Neeta Bhushan or Neeta Bhushan, as I used to be called way back when. Check me out on Global Grit Institute is where we help entrepreneurs in their message, their passions, and their stories for their next chapter.
Sheila Bella:
Yeah. I'll put the link in the show notes.
Neeta Bhushan:
Sweet.
Sheila Bella:
So text me that, please.
Neeta Bhushan:
Will do.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you again, Neeta. Love you.
Neeta Bhushan:
It was such a pleasure. Thank you, ladies.
Sheila Bella:
Grey, say, "Share with your friends."
Grey:
Share with friends.
Sheila Bella:
Please review my mommy on iTunes.
Grey:
[inaudible 01:17:04] Mommy iTunes.
Sheila Bella:
Thanks for listening.
Grey:
Thanks for listening.
Sheila Bella:
Thank you so much for listening. It is an honor to be a part of your life. If you enjoyed this podcast or were impacted by this at all, please take a minute to leave us a five star review on iTunes and share it with a friend. Screenshot it, post it on your stories, your feed, in your timeline, and don't forget to tag me. I would really love to see that. My Instagram is @realsheilabella. Also, let's carry on the conversation longer. Join our private Facebook group just for Pretty Rich girls. Just go to Facebook.com/prettyrichsquad and check out SheilaBella.com for more information on how to get more support on your beauty entrepreneurship journey and get going on your Pretty Rich lifestyle. Until next time.
