These are questions we all ask ourselves, right? I find myself wondering these things all the time - which might be surprising to some of you. People tend to think when you reach a certain point of success (which, what point is that supposed to be exactly?) that those worries and fears just disappear. That's just not true, girl.
Those thoughts are persistent because they're deep, deep within us. In this episode, I just really want to dissect that thought process. I want to get into it because the truth is we are totally enough. I am enough. You are enough. The thoughts in your head that say otherwise are lies. Trust me.
But sometimes just knowing that isn't enough. So let's talk about it.
Here are the episode highlights:
‣‣ [01:38] Let's start with a little catch-up, okay? Just a little life update. What's been going on with you?
‣‣ [08:30] Getting into it, I want to investigate where the idea of not being good enough comes from. It's different for everyone so I encourage you to do a little investigation into it too. Can you think of all the times, early on in your life, where that thought process was triggered or reinforced?
‣‣ [11:39] What does this fear of not being enough really boil down to? I think it's a desire to belong.
‣‣ [14:12] So we've done all this work and identified all of the roots of this feeling, we know where it comes from and what it boils down to, but what do we do about it?
You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!
Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast!
You can enjoy this podcast by downloading it on iTunes here.
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You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.
Are you good enough? Am I good enough? We ask this question of ourselves every day when it comes to being a mother, being a wife, being a girlfriend. Are you good enough for your job? Are you good enough for the dreams and the goals that you've set out for yourself? Today, we're going to tackle this question that plagues us women on a daily basis. Here we go.
You're listening to the Pretty Rich podcast, where you are totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I built a seven figure PMU biz without a degree, without a fancy website, or a sugar daddy. And if you and I hang out here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too, because you really can. I know you think I don't know you, but I do. I really, really do, because I am you. And I believe we're all on the same journey together. My perfect job didn't exist, so I created it. The job I wanted wasn't hiring me, so I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO, just like you can. So consider me your secret beauty biz BFF. In case you need to be reminded that power is never given to you, you just have to take it. Are you ready, beauty boss? Let's jump in.
Hey friends, what's going on? I hope you guys are having a great week. I am having a bit of a challenging week, to be honest with you. My ... everything else is going pretty great, but what is challenging me right now is my mom. She's kind of in and out of the hospital a lot for various reasons. And ugh, I'm such a mama's girl. I wanted to be like my mom since I was a little girl. She was like a living Barbie doll that loved me and adored me and cheered for me. And she still does to this day. And for those of you who've been listening to this podcast for a while know that I also work with her. So she's out of the hospital now, thank God. But we still don't know what's wrong with her yet. Not really, but it's nothing that's life threatening at the moment. So we're grateful for that.
And just to give you a little peek into my life, yesterday was her birthday. I'm not going to tell you how old she is, because she would kill me, but she doesn't look anything like how old she is. Yesterday was her birthday and she's at a hospital where there's a ton of COVID patients, right? And she kept telling us, "No, no, no, don't visit me. Don't visit me." But I wasn't going to let my mom celebrate her birthday by herself in a hospital. And I'll be honest, you guys, I just had a couple of people in my life who ... not anybody that's super close to me, but family friends and stuff like that pass from this disease. And yeah, it's really scary because nobody really knows. Some people think it's not a big deal and others think it is a big deal.
And there's a lot of really, really smart people with PhDs and stuff like that who disagree with one another. So nothing's conclusive. So as a result, my family and I are just being very careful and,making the best decisions for us and definitely trying not to judge anybody who makes different decisions from our family, not at all. But my decision yesterday was to see my mom, because we take risks on a daily basis. When we get in a car just to go to work or go to the grocery store, it's a risk. I mean, I'm teaching my kids how to swim right now. And every time we do it, it's a risk. And in life you make a call of which risks to take and outweigh the reward versus the risk. Nothing is risk-free. And yesterday I made the decision to go to the hospital and bring my mom her favorite breakfast and a birthday cake so she could at least have some thing on her birthday to blow out, even if it was through FaceTime with my kids singing happy birthday through FaceTime.
And I posted it on stories. And it's just ... I like taking videos of things because I feel like I don't have a great memory. So when I take videos of memories, especially meaningful ones like that, it helps me to really relive the moment and remember it more. Do you guys feel me on this? That's why I take videos of everything. And I have two terabyte storage on my iCloud because I have two kids and everything is just so amazing when your life is full of meaning and family and relationships. Right? Anyway, I digress.
And it was so, so nice to see my mom, to surprise her at the hospital like that. And I know that on this podcast, we talk a lot about financial freedom and making money, but it really would be nothing without meaning. It would be nothing without love. And I know that sounds so hippy dippy, but let's examine this. What is the whole reason why we're working so hard to begin with? It's so that we can enjoy more meaningful moments with our families and those we love. I give you guys tips on how to make more money, because at the end of the day, it's just peace of mind. Money's just made up. It's made up. It's an exchange of energy. It's a trade, it's a number, but it doesn't keep you warm at night. It doesn't give you long, meaningful hugs that produce oxytocin. And in the end, you can't take it with you.
And that is also why ... a little family update. So we decided to go on an RV trip for an entire week. Never done that before. Yeah, my husband and I rented this big RV, and we leave tomorrow for a whole week. I don't think I've ever taken a vacation that long. Is that embarrassing? Never taken a week long vacation before. And again, it's risk versus reward. There's a risk of me leaving the business for a little bit, not being as in touch for a week versus the reward of creating long lasting memories that my children are going to have even until adulthood. And then there's a risk of traveling and possibly catching this virus like while we travel. But the reward is adventure, right? And also, hello, in an RV, we're not going to be using any public restrooms. We're bringing all our food. We're going to a bunch of national parks.
I mean, it's probably as safe of a type of vacation that you can take right now. So yeah, go check it out. And if you follow me on Instagram, I'm sure I'm going to be documenting a lot of it. Not all of it, but a ton of it, because I'm really excited. We're going to a bunch of parks that I've never gone to before and yeah, I'm really looking forward to roughing it. Oh, please. I'm going to be wearing my lashes. Yeah, roughing it for a little while, and show my husband, look, I'm cool. I'm a hippy outdoorsy girl. And I still have a seven figure online business and brick and mortar. So I mention that to you because today's topic is all about are you good enough? Am I good enough? And even just based on how I described, how I approach my life and this week, I'm still trying to prove to myself and to everyone else that I can do it all, that I'm good enough.
But this question, am I good enough, that has chased me for the majority of my life. It has. And if I go back to where I get this from, you might be able to relate to this, right? You go back into your memory bank of where this comes from, why do we even question it? It's these traumatic memories that we have because I never went to college. And perhaps there was an incident where I was in a conversation with well-spoken educated people and I felt like I couldn't keep up. So I'm like, "Not good enough there." Was it because I was chubby as a kid and I remember, like, standing out in photos? And in the Philippines, the aunties and the titas, they always say, they always comment on your weight. That's just a cultural thing. And you Filipinos can probably relate to this. So I was insecure ... children being insecure about their bodies, I mean, that's terrible. But that was our culture.
Maybe it's because I was never really athletic. I remember my sixth grade crush. You probably heard me talk about this before, my sixth grade crush, Scott. Shout out, hello, at Saticoy Elementary. When I ran, he made fun of me. And I don't think he meant to make me feel bad. He just really questioned why I looked odd when I ran. But that really, really did a number on me growing up. I avoided running because I didn't want to be ugly. I didn't want to look odd. I didn't want to stand out. When you're a kid, all you want to do is blend in.
Let me see what else. When I was in junior high and high school, I had really bad skin. I had pimples on top of pimples. And again, the Filipino aunties, the titas said, "Oh, you know ... " And then actually told me, I'll never forget this, that my half sister was the pretty one. And I don't think that titas mean to do a number on you. It's just kind of normal in our culture. And I'm not making an excuse for it. I'm not making an excuse for it, but no matter what culture you come from, you have these memories that you kind of hang on to, and it makes you gosh, and for the rest of your life, am I good enough? Am I good enough for whatever's on my vision board? Am I good enough for that six figure, seven figure beauty business. Am I good enough to speak on stage? Am I good enough for this relationship? Am I good enough to find the man of my dreams or woman of my dreams? Am I good enough to show up on camera for social media? Do you guys feel me on this?
We all ask ourselves the question, do I belong? It just boils down to belonging. And even the most successful people I know continue to ask this of themselves. And what people don't tell you is just because you're successful, questioning your belonging doesn't ever really go away. That is written in our biology, the need to belong to a tribe, to a people. And that's why we're always striving for it one way or another. And yeah, like I said, there's no point ... I talk to a lot of successful people. Nobody feels like they belong completely. Everyone has moments of insecurity, moments of feeling othered, no matter what color you are, no matter what size or shape or political party you belong to, you feel othered at some point. That is just the human experience.
And I think what a lot of people do is they wait until that feeling goes away before they do anything. Are you one of these people? You're kind of waiting for that feeling to go away for you to feel like you're good enough before you do anything? Before you launch your business, before you respond to that guy, before you go live on Instagram? But sis, it doesn't go away. Take it from somebody who ... I feel like I have a lot of love in my life. I have a solid relationship. I have a solid family. I have a solid business, but ... oh, and I have a lot of friends too. But even if you have a lot of people around you, you're still alone in your mind. And I hope that we can feel less alone together just by acknowledging that we all feel alone.
That's just kind of how it is. So now that we've kind of all established that self doubt is a feeling you can't really get rid of, okay? You feeling me on this? For those of you who are successful already who are listening to this podcast, the feeling of self doubt, have you completely eradicated it? Like completely, one hundred percent? No you haven't. Of course not.
Okay. So now that we've established that that doesn't really go away, the question remains, what do we do now? The only difference between the people who act confidently ... like you might think I'm acting confidently by being on this mic and putting myself out there, versus the people that hide, is this one thing. They cultivate different thoughts. It's not like the negative thoughts don't exist, but leaders have just learned to focus on taking action despite of them. They exist, but you just kind of live with it.
Because when you push through that clenched up feeling over and over and over again, and you develop that habit of learning how to just push through and do it anyway, you kill the negativity inside your brain. You literally kill it. Nerves, self doubt will always be there. It's normal, but letting it stop you from pursuing your purpose, that's a choice. So what you do is learn to train your mind and to think what you want it to think by constantly feeding it the messages that you want it to hear. You have to control what you intake. It's like a mind diet. What you eat is what you are. And the same with your mind. The thoughts that you listen to, the people you surround yourself with, the ideas, the books that you read, the mentors you choose, make sure it is a positive, uplifting tribe who can lift you higher and help you vibe to the highest level possible.
Hey friend, it's Sheila Bella, and you and I have been hanging out on Pretty Rich podcast for a little while now. And I think it's time that we move on to a texting relationship. Yep. I'm going to give you my phone number, and please go ahead and text me. Text me anything you want. Text me a cool song you listened to, a quote that you loved, or what you had for lunch this morning. And you can even text me any business questions you might have. My number is area code 310-388-4588. And the reason why I give you that number is because I am serious about building a relationship with you and building a community. The text from this phone number, honest to God, comes to my phone. So yeah, go ahead and use it. And you know what? The thing that I love getting texts about the most are your biggest takeaways from this podcast. So go ahead and text me, area code 310-388-4588. And I'll text you back soon.
Can I get some virtual hugs right now? Like a tight virtual hug. Let's do it. You are not alone, sister. Self doubt is just a visitor and it exists in every human being. It's actually abnormal to not have it. So make a choice and choose to pursue your true purpose. Do not let your feelings dictate your destiny. If there's something hard that you know you need to do, do it today. Put it in your calendar and just go. What's the worst that can happen? You know the worst thing that can happen is that you never do it. And to me, that fear of regret is a bigger monster that I don't want to live with, to know that you didn't live up to your highest potential? Okay, that's tough. The pain of regret is greater than the pain of possibly embarrassing yourself in the beginning. I hope this lit a fire in your belly. And dude, let's catch up after my trip, okay? Hit me up on Instagram. I'm going to be all over stories, I promise, @realsheilabella. And I'll see you guys next week.
That's it for today's episode of Pretty Rich podcast. If there was anything in this episode that has impacted you in any small or big way, I want to know. You can reach me @realsheilabella on Instagram. And by the way, if we are not text buddies yet, that needs to change. You can text my name, Sheila, S-H-E-I-L-A to 31996, and we'll be connected. I really love hanging with you guys on here. And one last thing before we wrap it up, I got to include my kids, right? #momfirst. So here are [Beau 00:19:14] And [Gray 00:19:15] to close things out
Hi, my name is Beau and I'm five years old.
Can you tell everybody what our family motto is?
I can do hard things.
I can do hard things. Now fill in the blanks. "Hard is ... "
"Easy is ... "
Good job, buddy. I love you so much.
I love you the best mama infinity.
Gray, say, "Share with your friends."
Share with friends.
Please review my mommy on iTunes.
Review mama iTunes.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.