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Ep. 153: USING THE ENNEAGRAM IN YOUR BEAUTY BUSINESS WITH TRACY O’MALLEY, SELF-AWARENESS WITH SHEILA BELLA

  

Do you really know yourself?

     

I think one of the top things new entrepreneurs forget about when starting their businesses is self-awareness. We've got big plans, big dreams, and we don't feel like we have time to do any deep reflection into ourselves. We know what we want, we know pretty much the steps we need to take to get there, what more do we need?

The thing is - the best entrepreneurs, the ones who are the most successful, are the ones who truly know themselves. Because to be successful you have to know your weaknesses. You have to know your strengths too, of course. But if you're blind to your weaknesses then you're going to have a lot of weaknesses in your business as well that you're not aware of. And those weaknesses are either going to slow you down or bring you down.

In my program Pretty Rich Bosses, we do a lot of self-reflection. We do a lot of deep diving - because I want all of our students to know themselves and find success. So to help them kickstart the process, I brought in Enneagram expert Tracy O'Malley to help explain a little about what the Enneagram is exactly, how to find your type, and how to use your type to improve not only your relationships with your clients, coworkers, team members, students, friends, family members, etc., but also to improve your relationship with yourself!

This is one of those most powerful guest calls we've had in the program so I want to share it with you in this podcast episode! That's right, I recorded the whole call and decided to share it with you, totally for free. Because it's that good. So what are you waiting for?

 

 

Here are the episode highlights:

‣‣  [04:33]  One of the most important traits a successful entrepreneur has is self-awareness.

‣‣  [06:27]  The key to achieving my own personal success was realizing that I was a better marketer than I was an artist. And that was a HARD realization.

‣‣  [12:58]  Tracy opens up our conversation by giving us a little of our history and how she realized that ignoring her weaknesses in favor of playing up her strengths as an 8, was actually detrimental to not only her success, but also herself overall.

‣‣  [21:47]  Here Tracy talks about how starting to use the Enneagram in her day-to-day life changed all of her relationships drastically for the better.

‣‣  [25:02]  All of the Enneagram tests you can take are about 65-70% inaccurate - not because they're bad tests - but because it's hard for us to answer based purely on motive.

‣‣  [27:29]  Let's deep dive into what the true motives are for each type.

‣‣  [33:53]  How to utilize Enneagram types in your relationships, including SALES.

‣‣  [36:54]  Each number has a GROWTH number, which is the number that we can actually learn from to grow into a more balanced, healthier version of ourselves. Sounds good, right?

‣‣  [42:19]  There's a lot of confusion about Enneagrams and wings - Tracy clears that up here.

‣‣  [51:26]  Here we open up for questions from Pretty Rich Bosses students. Our first one is from Kendra: I think I'm a four but when confrontation arises I act like an eight. I get confused because I really do think I'm a four.

‣‣  [52:39]  What's the difference between an unhealthy two and an unhealthy eight?

‣‣  [54:24]  Kendra opens up another interesting discussion here: how your parents' numbers affect how they raise you, and therefore affect your number.

‣‣  [57:43]  Leidy shares how she struggles to understand and resonate with her enneagram because of her dysfunctional family and childhood. After reinventing herself so many times, it's hard for her to let one thing define her.

‣‣  [01:02:08]  Katie asks about building a team as an assertive type and how to not be a bitch to work for.

‣‣  [01:06:46]  Rebecca asks for more information on the growth number for seven.

‣‣  [01:06:46]  Bianca asks a VERY interesting question about type ones, perfectionism, and how to collaborate well with others

 

 

HOW CAN THE ENNEAGRAM HELP ME?! (Listen Here) 

 

Tracy is an Enneagram GENIUS and so fun to talk to! She gave so much in this episode but I KNOW you need more from her. Find her on IG @tracy_omalley!

 

You can follow me, Sheila Bella, on Instagram @realsheilabella!

  

Here are the links that were mentioned in the podcast! 

Pretty Rich Bosses

The Elusive Clubhouse Course

Text me! (310) 388-4588

 


 

FOR MY LISTENER BOSS BABES

You can enjoy this podcast by downloading it on iTunes here.
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FOR MY READER BOSS BABES

You can enjoy a transcript of the podcast here.

Sheila Bella:

Since this is the best podcast ever, we are hooking you up today. Yes we are. With Tracy O'Malley who's an Enneagram expert. And you're like, "What the heck is that, Sheila?" Is that a shape? No, it's not a shape. It is this kick-butt personality test that you need to, need to, need to take. It's going to help you be a better business owner, a better parent, a better lover, all of the things. And I'm bringing it to you right here on Pretty Rich Podcast.

 

Welcome to Pretty Rich Podcast where you're totally the heroine of your own story. I'm your host, Sheila Bella, and I've built a seven figure PMU beauty biz, and a seven figure online biz without a degree, without a fancy website, or a sugar daddy. And if you and I hang out on here long enough, you're going to start to believe that you can do it too.

 

How about that for a side effect of listening to this podcast? Because you really can. I know you think I don't know you, I have no idea who you are, but I do. I really, really do because I am you. I was you, and I believe we are all on the same journey together. My perfect job didn't exist. So I created it. The job I wanted, wasn't hiring me wanting nothing to do with me. So I skipped the line and hired myself as CEO, just like you can. So consider me your secret beauty biz BFF in case you need to be reminded on a weekly basis, that power is never just handed to you. You have to take it. Are you ready beauty boss? Let's jump in.

 

Hey friends, welcome to another amazing episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. Today. I have the one and only Tracy O'Malley and she is going to unlock her Enneagram secrets. Why is the Enneagram important? And if you watch me on social media and you guys know I live on Instagram stories. You know that I'm obsessed with the Enneagram. It has helped me get so much clarity on myself, and in turn has just made me a more effective person. I'm able to influence my life and the people around me so much better because of this crazy personality test, this tool. It is so insightful. It's going to blow you guys away.

 

So before you listen to this podcast, I actually suggest that you take the Enneagram personality test if you haven't already. You can just give it a quick Google. This is not endorsed. I actually like the Enneagram test on Truity.com, T-R-U-I-T-Y, completely not endorsed, unaffiliated with them whatsoever. And I'm not even sure if it's the best place, but to me it's pretty good.

 

And the people I've suggested take it on that website gets pretty accurate results. So this is actually a live call from my private group, Pretty Rich Bosses that I'm going to share with you. So Pretty Rich Bosses is my mentorship program, where I help beauty entrepreneurs just like you make more money in their salons, studios, and online. And I bring in guest coaches on a regular basis. So today is going to be all about the Enneagram and how you can use it as a powerful tool, and helping you influence people around you. And just things will just go your way better, more often with this tool, just like they did for me. I was on American Idol the year Carrie Underwood won. A lot of people don't know that about me. So I didn't make it far, that's probably why you don't know me from that show, but I was terrified of that audition.

 

And it was because, I mean, think about it, how many American Idol contestants have we seen, who are utterly shocked when the judges tell them that they don't have what it takes? A lot. So you have to make sure that you're actually good at this thing that you're passionate about. Because the two don't always align and it's the same in business. My husband and I watch Shark Tank, and these poor business owners are shocked when they don't get the deal. And all the Sharks think that their idea isn't going to fly that it's just cat's poop. Self-awareness is priceless. It's so annoying though. It's so annoying to be so gosh darn aware of all of the things you're bad at. It's a devastating realization, but it's also vital. It's vital to your success to be self-aware. And I believe that the most valuable gift the journey of success gives you, it's not the wealth, it's the self-awareness.

 

And successful people know so much about themselves, especially if you had to grind to get there. It is a humbling educational experience like no other. It's the thing that's changed me the most. It's what you get through, grinding it out. But I think it's also a prerequisite for success, because it's not about hard work or smarts a lot of the time. It's about self-awareness and the internet is flooded with memes about quitting your nine to five job, and following your passion. It's like, dream. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I turned, I was able to turn my beauty, my makeup, and my social media addiction into a career that makes multiple seven figures passively while I work from home. I realized that I'm really good at social media, but that also forced me to realize the truth, that I was a better marketer and I was an artist.

 

Yeah that hurt. But it was a good hurt because that self-awareness made me profitable. You have to lean into what you're good at. The good news is I believe that you can totally bring your passion with you everywhere you go into any career that you're in. And honestly, I think the skill of being able to find something you love in any situation, think about that, that's a skill. Being able to find something you love in any situation, that skill is more valuable. But in order to do that, you have to be again, self-aware. You have to ask yourself, where does my personality fit into this mold? How can I find the joy in this? Why am I so bad at the other thing? What am I so bad at that I need to delegate this thing ASAP? It's the real world, but it's Shark Tank and American Idol. For real.

 

So you guys, with that said, the Enneagram has been such a powerful tool in me being more self-aware and it's made me a better leader and a better parent, because I've had people around me that I lead take the test and it's helped me really figure out who they are, what motivates them, what makes them feel good? What makes them feel bad? Which is so important if you're going to be a good leader. So I'm not going to take up too much more of your time. Let's get to it. Here is Tracy O'Malley teaching about the Enneagram.

 

All right, everyone. Okay. As you guys know, because I went live yesterday in our group and I said, I am so excited for today's call, today's guest. So Tracy O'Malley, I'm just going to read her bio. So Tracy O'Malley is a lifelong leadership junkie that has been obsessed with transformation. A decade ago, although having the ability to be successful, rock bottom came calling with debts, divorce, recession, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Who can relate to this one? It was then Tracy brought her life to ground zero and began filling the toolbox with more effective tools.

 

She walked away from a successful career that sucked the life out of her and into a new one in leadership and team building, emotional intelligence, sales, network marketing, and went from zero to 1 million in income in two years, you guys. She built a very diverse and dynamic organization of over 100K people strong and continues to lead coach organizations, companies, and individuals in leadership and communication using the integrating the framework of the Enneagram in which she is an expert and thought leader in that area. When people feel seen, heard and understood anything is possible. Guys, I know I've talked to you guys about how the Enneagram has been really helpful to me, but I have to say, when I hear Tracy O'Malley describe myself to me, I feel so seen and understood in a way that I've never felt before.

 

It's like, how do you know me better than I know me? And it's really helped me out in my relationships, particularly the relationship I have with myself, because isn't that what this is all about? The relationship we have with other people is really just a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. I use the Enneagram in my leadership skills, and in my parenting, and in my marriage, in my friendships. So I hope you see the value in this, I am sure you will, but keep an open mind. And so the format of today is we're going to have Tracy take the floor and speak, and then we'll be taking questions at the end if time permits. And I'm so excited about that part. So as you guys know, y'all took the Enneagram test yesterday or maybe a few weeks ago when I shared it with you. So I'm glad you have that background. I'm going to shut up now. Everyone, please welcome Tracy O'Malley. Yay.

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh my gosh, you are electric. And I am obsessed with your energy, probably because you're an eight and I can recognize it very, very clearly. And I want to say that with a little asterisk, don't go around typing people. But she is very clearly, in getting to know her, and what motivates her and listening to your podcast, I've been listening a little bit, because the Enneagram is all about motive, not just behaviors. A lot of the other things out there, they're great. I am all like, give me anything that makes me more aware of who I am so I can be better for any person that I lead, love, come in contact with. I'm all about it, because emotional intelligence, quite honestly, is the number one predictor for success. Because when you can, what you just said, how do you know me better than me? Do you know what kind of trust and credibility that build?

Sheila Bella:

Yeah yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

When it comes to sales and marketing.

Sheila Bella:

Here's my social security number and my pin number. Here's all [crosstalk 00:12:50].

Tracy O'Malley:

My money. Exactly. It immediately builds credibility and trust when you can speak a language that people, anyone can receive. Now, back in the day, a decade ago, pretty much Sheila was one of the few people I could actually communicate with. Because I spoke the language of eight and that was it, tough shit, too bad. Take it or leave it. If you didn't talk like me, F you I'm out. And that's all great as long as I'm dealing with eights. But clearly I wasn't. I was in a male dominated industry back then, I was in the car industry. I've always been in male dominated industries and an eight really thrives in that, especially an eight woman who kind of looks like I do it was perfect. And it allowed me to flex all my unhealthiness in that arena. And although I did very, very good, I was the top of my game in that industry. I've always been a gritty person like you Sheila, for the same reason. Because I was never going to rely on anybody ever again.

Sheila Bella:

Heck no.

Tracy O'Malley:

The good thing about that is we get shit done.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah, we do.

Tracy O'Malley:

A hard part about that is, is we leave a lot of destruction and wreckage in our path when we're coming from an unhealthy spot. So that being said, this isn't all about the eights and throw in love to the eights because there's eight other types that are equally as amazing and powerful in their own right. But bringing you back 10 years ago, speaking only eight language. I had a 14 and 15 year old and now they're 24 and 23. So speaking an eight language to two children that weren't eights, was really starting to show. And the unhealthy patterns in my home, I've been a single mom for 14 years, the sole provider, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially, all those years, I was starting to see history repeat itself and not the good kind of history.

 

And just like our teams, the people we lead, the people we love, they'll do what we do, not what we say to do. And that was running its course through the lives of my teenagers. And that was the last thing I wanted. Because here I was at 40 years old at the time, white knuckling, my way through the days. I was a boss ass bitch. Don't get me wrong. But my soul was getting sucked out of me, my health was deteriorating, the relationships I were in were crappy, I was a cancer everywhere I went, and that didn't serve me. I could get people to do things, which was great. But that's not leadership you guys, that's not leadership. And certainly nobody felt like I know them better than they did. They were just afraid of me. And I mean, my ego liked that at the time, but at the end of the day, do I really want to motivate my children that way?

 

No. Did I want to motivate people that I really wanted to impact that way? No. You heard at the beginning of this, I've been a lifelong obsessed with transformation. When I was a little girl back in Chicago, I'm almost 50. So I used to take the VCR and record Oprah while I was at school. This was before anybody knew who Oprah was because I lived in Chicago and she wasn't all over the world yet. And I used to come home and watch it. And I heard her tell stories about her pain and the trauma she'd experienced. And I was living through an alcoholic home, an abandoning mom emotionally, sexual assault, sexual abuse, you name it, I've experienced it. And I remember watching Oprah like, okay, this pain is going to matter for something.

 

I was in the fifth grade, I was in the fifth grade and I was like, this pain is going to matter for something. Now it took another 30 years to figure out what that would mean. And Lord knows, I went to work to destroy that and sabotage it, because my eight-ness was like, I will not be betrayed. I will not be violated. F you, stay away from me. I will plow you over. Don't even try it. But deep inside the eight craves connection. So it was 10 years ago that all my coping mechanisms came to a head. Very, very unhealthy, very, very unhealthy. I had just made it through a recession at the time. If you guys know of 2008, I was through my divorce. I owned a business with my husband at the time. So I closed the doors on that, lost our biggest client overnight, taking my income down to zero, had to go out into corporate America during a recession, as a single mom, no child support.

 

The only coping mechanisms I knew were anger, food, alcohol, codependency, power, sex, you name it. It was like, okay, what's that coping mechanism? Coping mechanisms. And, oh my God, seriously, I was ready to explode. And about a decade ago, that kind of came to a head when my dad called and said, "Babe, you got to come home to Chicago. I've just been diagnosed with cancer, they haven't given me much time." And 12 days later he died.

Sheila Bella:

Wow.

Tracy O'Malley:

And it really came to this, life is too short, what am I going to do with this life? Again, my kids were teenagers. I'm like, if I don't repair this, I'm just going to repeat this. And it was at that moment, it was a divine intervention for sure. And I was like, I can't do this by myself. And if you know the eight energy we don't ask for help, we'd rather take a gun to the face quite honestly.

 

But I knew that if I really wanted to carry on a legacy, one that I was proud of, I would have to take my life to ground zero. And I did. And I walked into rehab and threw all those coping mechanisms on the table. Said, "This is what I got. This is what I got. There's a lot of shit here." And my therapist at the time who I still see to this day, almost a decade later, she's an eight on the Enneagram as well. She said, "Okay, I want you to take this test." And I'm like, "Screw you. I don't want to take this test."

 

But she's like, "Well, quite honestly, honey, your best thinking has gotten you here. And it hasn't been working so well." I'm like, "Well, touche, touche." So I took the Enneagram. She originally thought I was a three, based on some of the things I had told her, I do have a lot of three kind of behaviors. And this is why understanding this, I'm going to share this with you. It's why it's so important to get your type right if you're going to use this tool. So I look very three-like to most people, but I'm not motivated at all like a three. I mean, I crush, you're the same way Sheila. You can look very three-like, but I know you're eight. I know it.

 

So when I took the test, we're like three, eight, and definitely an eight. Threes are motivated, they need the accolades. They believe that their worth is tied into what they do achieve appear. I could give a shit about any of that. I don't do any of it for appearances sake. I could give a damn if you ever recognize me. In fact, I prefer that you don't. I really prefer that you don't because it puts me on the radar. And something you said on your podcast today, Sheila, that I was listening to is like, when your husband was telling you, "They didn't see you coming."

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Me either, and I like it that way.

Sheila Bella:

Me, too.

Tracy O'Malley:

[crosstalk 00:20:01] Like it that way.

Sheila Bella:

Me too.

Tracy O'Malley:

Threes, they want the spotlight. See me, everyone. See me, everyone. See me... Eights, no, no, no, we don't. We prefer for you to not see us coming.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

And so we started using the Enneagram and it was in rehab, really great moment-

Sheila Bella:

Wow.

Tracy O'Malley:

That I realized that I was speaking to my kids in a way that wasn't serving them. And I was speaking a foreign language and I had some time on my hands in there and I started studying and I've been studying it ever since I came home and started communicating to my kids very differently. I could pinpoint what types they were. I have a two and a seven, are very different than an eight. And just in tweaking the delivery of my message, the message doesn't change. I'm still going to deliver my message. But the way in which I do it changed, in a way that they could receive, and overnight, overnight the communication in my home changed.

Sheila Bella:

Wow.

Tracy O'Malley:

Overnight. And they're 14 and 15 and mom just got back from rehab. I had kind of lost a lot of credibility and trust and they're teenagers. So there's that. But everything changed from that moment forward. Six months later, head hunters were after me. I resigned from my job before I walked into rehab. Head hunters were after me. And I was like, I can't go back into that industry. And so I was introduced to network marketing through a product. I didn't even want to do network marketing, quite honestly. I was like, I'm a single mom that went to rehab. I have no social network at this point really. Build a team, really? Not really the person to do that on paper, but I fell in love with the product I was doing and seven days later I was sobbing. I'm like, I guess this is where I'm going to get my leadership muscles turned on in a way that is different than my power tripping eight.

 

And I started using the Enneagram because I needed to leverage every human I came in contact with. I needed every human I talked to, to believe that I knew them better than they knew themselves in order to be able to convert them and help them. Yes, I did want to convert the sale obviously, but I also believed with my whole heart, this pain was going to matter for something. And I could actually serve them with my experience, with my strength, with my wisdom, with my hope, with everything. And I used the Enneagram to build a multi-million dollar organization that has made over 5 million in eight years, income. Sales, who knows how much? Probably, who knows how much?

 

But I've also not just done that myself. I've helped create seven millionaires in my organization, five different Enneagram types. Not only that, my friendships, I use this in my friendships, but the really cool part is, is my daughter who is 24. She's also a permanent makeup artist. She does microblading. She went to LA at 18 to get trained in the beauty industry. She's a professional makeup artist. She's a licensed aesthetician. And knowing that she's in Enneagram seven really helped me guide her in a way that allowed her to find joy in everything she did every day, and also have the variety that a seven needs in it every day. Plus with her eight wing that she's got there, and the eight mama, I could lead her to be a boss bitch in the same time as well as being that visionary, creative.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

So helping both my children in their adult life use the Enneagram has really allowed them to step into their 20s as very independent, self-sufficient, service-driven, impact-making, amazing kids on top of that. So that's how I got into the Enneagram. We can get into all the ins and outs of what it means and how it benefits you as leaders.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

In your home, because here's the thing, like you were right. It starts with you. That relationship with you is everything. And what I will recommend is that you learn this for you first, because you can't give what you don't have. You really, really can't. Otherwise you're just faking it, and people, quality people will sniff that out, and you won't get the quality people that you want. And then the ripple effect of this in every aspect of your life, it's so cool, because I know as moms and women we compartmentalize, we're like wearing 800 different hats, but having this level of self-awareness, I don't feel the energy bankruptcy when I'm switching hats all the time. Because I'm pretty harmonious and cohesive through everything I do. Granted, I do have to put on the boss bitch hat sometimes. I do have to put on the mom hat and the girlfriend hat and the friend hat, but because I'm so harmonious in how I operate from day to day, there is no energy bankruptcy going on.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

And that's a beautiful thing.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. I can totally relate to that.

Tracy O'Malley:

So if you guys want to let me know, I know that you took an Enneagram test. And I do have a podcast. I will recommend you go listen to it.

Sheila Bella:

[inaudible 00:25:02]

Sheila Bella:

Because if you listen at all, or if you know anything about the Enneagram, all those online assessments, every single one of them, even the paid ones, the free ones, all of them are 65 to 70% of the time they're inaccurate. And it's not because the tests suck. It really, really isn't. It's hard to really answer based on motive when we're not instructed to do so. A lot of you, specifically, have been personally developing yourself, and so we answer based on our personally developed self, or we answer based on how we know we're going to be when we're done personally developing.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah.

Sheila Bella:

Right?

Tracy O'Malley:

A lot of times, if you've experienced trauma like I have, you will see the coping mechanisms show up as the top score. I have this happen all the time. So I want you to just know if you're going to tackle this on your own as far as getting typed correct?

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

If you're going to tackle it alone, know that it's going to take a little bit. Don't just assume it's your top number. The other thing that I like to tell people is, especially if it's one of the tests that break it down, even if you have a point. I've had it where somebody had like 10 points in between their first and second and she was still the third one on the list.

Sheila Bella:

Really?

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah.

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah. Because a lot of times what shows up is the behaviors, because we answer based on that. Or we answer based on our coping mechanism.

Sheila Bella:

So you answer based on your motives?

Tracy O'Malley:

Motives, like in your early 20s, ideally.

Sheila Bella:

I see. What is the name of your podcast so I can type it in here.

Tracy O'Malley:

It is currently called Becoming Bulletproof.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah. And a lot of it is, almost all of it's Enneagram stuff, a lot of education and information, but here's the thing, you guys. Information doesn't equal transformation. And there are so many beautiful people out there that are teaching the information of the Enneagram and that's amazing, but that doesn't mean you know what to do with it. Right? I'm all about application and integration and there is nobody better than me teaching it because I have used it to build a couple of multi-million dollar businesses. I have used it to raise children. I've used it in my relationships, in my health, and all the things.

 

And so if we're going to use this, you have to be typed properly. So if you're going to tackle this on your own, take the top four usually.

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

And then I say look at the motives of each and really start to go from there. But there's an easier way to even narrow it down more. There's something called the centers of intelligence. So there's the head, the heart, and the body. And we use all of them. We use all of them, but one really is the driver. And this doesn't change. This doesn't change. If you looked at me as a kid, I definitely was an eight. I definitely was an eight, but in my home, my coping mechanisms looked really different. I was leaning into my wing in my home, but put me out on the playground, oh yeah, I'd cut a bitch. No problem. No problem.

 

So how I also help people narrow this down with the centers of intelligence, so the head, the heart and the body. So the body, they are driven by truth and justice, which is the eights, the nines, and the ones. Everything they do. If you do the six degrees of separation of what really is motivating them at the end of the day, it's truth, justice, protection, in some ways, whether it's themselves, the collective, the greatest good.

Sheila Bella:

Yes.

Tracy O'Malley:

And the underlying emotion for all three of those types is anger. Now the eights are very explosive with it. The nines kind of like you wouldn't even know it. They're the peacemakers. The eights are the challengers, the nines are the peacemakers, and the ones are the reformers, improvers.

Sheila Bella:

Yes.

Tracy O'Malley:

And they internalize the anger. They're very self-critical.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

They can get a little snippy towards other people, but at the end of the day, they're all seeking truth or justice in some form. The eights for the innocent and the vulnerable because that's what they're protecting about themselves. The nines are about the environment. So that's why they're kind of taking one for the team a lot. And the ones for the greatest good of, they're the integrity police. I call them the wardens. They're amazing. They're the body. They take action. They're very instinctual.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Action takers. So the heart, and this is how you're going to help yourself narrow down when you have your top four scores like, "Oh, okay, this will help me narrow down in that what I'm mostly motivated by." So the hearts are the twos, the threes and the fours. The helpers are the twos. The threes are the achievers. I see a lot of threes in entrepreneur land. And the fours, which are the individualist or the romantic. And all three of those types are driven by significance, meaning they believe their worth comes by being significant. And their underlying emotion is shame.

 

So the twos find significance in serving other people. They're the doers, their name speaks volumes, the helpers. They believe their worth comes from what they do for others and that's how they gain significance. The threes, the achievers, they don't care so much about everybody else, but they are doers. Their significance comes by what they achieve, how they appear, what that looks like. And the fours find significance internally. They're on this quest for their authentic, unique, self. They're amazing. A lot of artists are probably, a lot of you might be fours. They're the most least typed. If I said that right. They're the least typed on the Enneagram.

Sheila Bella:

I'm married to a four.

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh God, you have an eight and a four too? That's what I'm dating too.

Sheila Bella:

Oh, really?

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh my gosh. We can get to that later. It's insane. But the shame, the twos are more outward with their shame. If they disappoint somebody it's very woe is me. The threes, you'll never see it. You'll never see it. They bury it because they'll just go move onto something else to achieve so that they don't have to deal with feelings, but it's there, it's there. And then the fours internalize it. It's very dramatic in their body.

 

And so the head people, the thinkers, are the five, six and sevens, and they are all driven by a need for certainty. They got to have it, got to have it. So my best friend, she was mistyped as an eight, but she's really a six. She looks very eight-like and aggressive, but it's all driven by a need for certainty.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Where for me and you, Sheila, it's all justice and truth.

Sheila Bella:

Yep.

Tracy O'Malley:

So for the fives, their need for certainty, they need to know they're equipped and capable. So they kind of hoard energy and information. They're the most introverted on the Enneagram, they're information taker-inners, and they're brilliant but a lot of times the world never sees it because they're hoarding that information. They want to know that they're prepared, equipped, and capable. And it's a shame because we could use their wisdom. They're experts at at least whatever they're interested in.

 

The sixes, they're like the hyper need for certainty. They're the loyalists. They're the master troubleshooters. They're very collaborative, mainly because they want to make sure everybody's doing what they're supposed to do so they don't get blindsided. They're worst case scenario thinkers. They're amazing. And then the sevens, they need certainty that they're never going to be trapped or cornered into a situation. They don't want to be stuck in anything. That's why, like my daughter who's a seven, can appear very flaky sometimes. Most of her life she was called flaky. I'm like, "Oh no, no, no. Watch out for her." She's a visionary. They're innovators. They're the master pivoters, but they never want to be trapped. So they need certainty that they're not going to be trapped. And the underlying emotion for all three of those types is fear or anxiety.

 

So the sixes are more outward with it. The fives internalize it, and the sevens, they shut it down, and they just bounce from thing to thing. So when you're thinking about that, like are you driven by certainty, truth and justice, or significance? That'll help you if you're tackling this on your own to really narrow down your main type. So that assessments just a starting point. Don't take it for what it's worth. It's not a plug and play kind of party game, like we just do this. It really is a beautiful, effective tool, but that's like the beginning points of really helping you narrow down your type.

 

Now, that being said, when you're talking to other people, in sales, clients, lovers, spouses, children, you're going to be able to narrow down, without typing them. That's my job. Don't go typing people, but you can kind of narrow down what center of intelligence they're in. You can tell if they're driven by significance, certainty, or truth and justice, and you can start speaking to that. And you'll know. If you can lock in, when I know I have somebody that is driven by certainty and I start like giving them bullet points and tons of information, which drive me crazy. I can't stand that personally. I'm like bottom line me people. But I know the five, six, and sevens need more information and need certainty. All of a sudden it builds credibility and trust.

 

Same thing with the heart people. If I can feed into their need for significance in a healthy way, and I'll get into leadership and what that looks like in a little bit, you really do take a lot of time in the getting to know you kind of crap that really energetically is like a lot of work. And especially if you're selling something or trying to build that relationship, this, using this tool really kind of gives you a fast pass like at Disneyland to the front of the line. It really, really does. And you will be remembered as the person that you saw them, you heard them, you understood them. And they will say things like Sheila said about me, like, "Holy crap, do you know me better than me?" "Yes. Yes. I do."

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yes I do.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

And it's amazing.

Sheila Bella:

It is. It is. So are there certain types that you feel like are quote, unquote, better at certain jobs than others?

Tracy O'Malley:

I mean, anybody, any type in their healthiest state can do anything. I will say that. However, definitely, certain roles, they're always going to have a sweet spot. We've all got a sweet spot. You and I are always going to be big action takers. We're the ones you call when shit's hitting the fan. You call an eight, no question about it.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Ones are the improvers, give them to make something beautiful and pretty and amazing and high standards. That's an eight's kind of sweet spot. The twos, the connectors, they're all about connectors. So putting them in a role where they do that. The threes obviously get shit done. Fours make everything magical, creative, they're great storytellers. The fives, give a five something to be an expert on and put them in a closet and they'll be happy. Sixes, worst case scenario, your troubleshooters. The sevens, the visionary. The eights will get it done. The nines, the ones that make everybody feel important.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

So everybody has their sweet spot, but that being said, each type also has a growth number that we go to.

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

So the ones, when they're growing, go to the seven. So this is where as a leader, this is really important, because we don't want to feed the unhealthy parts of their type either. So as a one, I don't want to just feed their need, because we don't want to feed that unhealthy need that a one is like good or bad. It's very black and white thinking. We want to encourage them because they go to the healthy seven, which is more that free spirit, innovative, which is a huge stretch for a one, who's very rigid in their thinking.

Sheila Bella:

Right.

Tracy O'Malley:

But knowing that each type's growth number as a leader, I usually tend to push the envelope and make people feel a little uncomfortable into their growth number, but with love because it makes them more well-rounded.

Sheila Bella:

Right.

Tracy O'Malley:

So for me and you, Sheila, our growth number is a two.

Sheila Bella:

Ah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Which I laugh about because a decade ago, compassion and empathy, connecting? Yeah. Not necessarily my easiest go-to.

Sheila Bella:

Right.

Tracy O'Malley:

My people that know me today, they're like, "Oh my gosh, you're the most compassionate, empathetic person I know." I'm like, "Yeah, I have to work at that every freaking day." Because growth, whether it's in the gym, or spiritually, or emotionally, it hurts. The first time we do a squat, you can't get up off the toilet the next day it hurts so bad, but it hurts so good. Growth doesn't always feel comfortable. And as a leader, when I'm working with people, and especially with threes too, their need for significance, and the attagirls, and the attaboys, I don't feed it. And they get really mad at me, because it's like a drug, it's like giving him crack. And I don't want to feed their unhealthy belief that they need to have that in order to be significant.

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

But I will praise their energy, their heart to serve other people. I will praise the way that they are serving their audience. I will praise when they put somebody else on the pedestal, because that is putting them in their growth number and makes them a more well-rounded person. So same thing with the twos. I won't necessarily compliment them for all their helpful ways of helping everybody else because that's like giving them a crack pipe. They're like, "Yeah, give me all the accolades for doing that."

Sheila Bella:

Wow.

Tracy O'Malley:

But what I will praise a two for, knowing that their growth number is the four is, my son's a two, so I never praise him for all his helpful ways because that's like feeding it.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

But when he goes golfing by himself, or goes to the coffee shop by himself to read or write, or he starts playing his guitar, I will say that's amazing all day long because that's promoting his growth into his healthier number. So there's-

Sheila Bella:

I've never thought of that way.

Tracy O'Malley:

This is like next level leadership using the Enneagram.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Because if we just stick to the stereotypes we start like attagirling all the typical stereotypes, we keep people not in their growth pattern.

Sheila Bella:

Right. And as a good leader, and also a coach, yeah, this is a very useful tool to be aware of. So yeah, this is something I deal with in leadership. I had my team take their Enneagram types and I see it so clearly.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. But it's kind of like enabling an addict.

Tracy O'Malley:

Hey, hey, and I'm the queen. I mean my jerseys up in the rafters, but I'm still, I mean that's why I can see through all of it with so much love and compassion and amazing parts. And here's the other thing to answer your question about what types are better for certain things. I mean eight, even though we're big action takers, an unhealthy eight can do way more destruction than they can positive. And I like to say that each type has a super power, and they're beautiful. My super power, your super power's our intensity and our resilience and our we get it done. People feel safe with us.

Sheila Bella:

Right.

Tracy O'Malley:

It's amazing.

Sheila Bella:

I get that all the time.

Tracy O'Malley:

When we come from love, compassion, empathy, grace, and service, it's amazing. Our intensity is a super power. However, a decade ago, Tracy in her intensity was a wrecking ball, when it was coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt and ego.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

The good news is is that my intensity, eights are going to be intense. I mean, we're loud even when we're not. That's not going to change. And all the superpowers of the other eight types doesn't change. But the come from does the healthier we get. And that's the beautiful thing is I don't want to be something, it's so much easier to just be me. It really is. But here's the other part too that makes this so much more sparkly and colorful in the Enneagram land is, have you ever done like a DIY project?

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

And having the right tools make life a lot easier, right?

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

But we've all done it. We've all grabbed a screwdriver to hammer a nail into a wall because we don't feel like walking to the garage and getting a hammer. It gets it done, but we usually smash our thumb or bang up the wall or something bad happens.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

When it would have been just easier if we pulled out the hammer.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Right? So this is what the wings are.

Sheila Bella:

I see.

Tracy O'Malley:

And I wanted to talk to you about wings because I heard something you said maybe on your Instagram stories or something, or I can't even remember where I heard you say this, but you said you're like an eight wing three.

Sheila Bella:

Yep.

Tracy O'Malley:

Impossible.

Sheila Bella:

Oh, okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

Impossible. It was probably your second score is what I'm guessing, which a lot of people think that their wing is their second score and that's not it.

Sheila Bella:

Oh. Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

So, this is the beautiful part of this is, just like the DIY project, you have wings, which are like a tool belt around your waist. And instead of using our eight, we could use the eight tools in our sleep, we know our eight tools all day long. But sometimes we gotta cool our jets with the eight tools and we need a seven or a nine, which is on either side of us. So your wings can only be the numbers on either side of you.

Sheila Bella:

Really?

Tracy O'Malley:

Yes. So, you have either a seven wing, which is what you probably are.

Sheila Bella:

I was thinking that.

Tracy O'Malley:

More so, I mean, I toggle between the two now, but as a kid, the only time I used my seven wing was when I was drinking. It wasn't the healthiest. So for the nines, your wing types are either eight and one. The ones are either nine and two. The twos are either one and three. Threes are two or four. So you see how that goes around. And so when my eight tools aren't really the best tool for the job, I've got my seven, my visionary, my fun card, which you definitely use very, very well. The innovator, the master pivoter, that's the seven, in a healthy way. There's also like the manic seven that isn't so healthy in people, which is I use that when I drink.

 

And then when I'm coaching and I'm like that Yoda wisdom, that's my nine wing, that peacemaker, that person that can see the bigger picture of everything. And when I was a child in an alcoholic home, I was the unhealthy peacemaker, taking one for the team all the time.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

You could see how like sometimes when I'm, especially like if I'm working with a two, a sensitive two, or even a five, that eight energy can be a lot sometimes.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Sometimes like leaning into that more inclusive nine energy instead of this domineering, aggressive energy, is required.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

The message doesn't change.

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Tracy O'Malley:

The delivery can. And the wings can kind of help you do that as well. So, there's like all these beautiful complexities to the Enneagram. It's not just like, "I'm an eight. Deal with it." And we don't use it as a weapon on ourselves or other people. And we don't use it as a wall saying like, "Tough shit. This is who I am. I'm not changing." I'm not changing, but how I express myself can from time to time, situation to situation. But at the end of the day, that eight energy, that need, that desire, that motive to have truth and justice in everything I do wins every time. But how it gets expressed can be very accommodating to whomever I'm serving, loving or leading, and yours can too. All the types can do this.

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Yeah, it really helps to know what people's types are, the people that you deal with on a regular basis or are helping guide or are in relationship with, I think it really, really helps. So that's why I use it with my team and it's just like, oh my gosh, it's just so much clearer. It's like taking the wax paper off.

Tracy O'Malley:

Right. And you're able to help move the needle a lot faster with people that you hate and love. Being married to a four, being in a relationship with a four, it's beautiful and it's amazing, and they drive me freaking crazy because we're more of the assertive type. If there's a problem, we handle it, where they need to pull back, reflect, process.

Sheila Bella:

Oh my gosh.

Tracy O'Malley:

And knowing that about them, like I have compassion and empathy and patience, sometimes, but I also have a boundary. Like, listen, I respect that you need to withdraw to process and I'm totally respecting that, but we've got to have a timeline here, otherwise I'm going to come in like a bull in a china shop and blow some shit up. [crosstalk 00:48:44] Let's have a compromise here. And also that brings... because you know, some of those more withdrawn types, the fours, the fives, and nines can go down this dark rabbit hole and never come out.

Sheila Bella:

What is going on? Yeah. Who are you?

Tracy O'Malley:

And that being said, the more assertive types, like the threes, the sevens, and eights need people to slow our roll a little bit. Sometimes we are like a bull in a china shop.

Sheila Bella:

Totally, totally. It's like when Will and I have a disagreement, I want to talk about it right then and there and I want to have at it right now and he needs a minute. And I'm like, "Well, you're going to need to tell me how long so I can move on with my life and come back."

Tracy O'Malley:

And that's a beautiful compromise when we can speak it so gently. Not so good all the time. I'm telling you dating life, like I hadn't dated in seven years quite honestly because I really needed to get some shit figured out because I had some patterns as an eight and that wasn't always healthy. So really using this in my dating life after seven years, being retired from it, holy moly. I'm so grateful that I have this tool because I would have blown that thing up a long time ago. My eight vulnerability is like, "Oh my god, this is so scary."

Sheila Bella:

It is.

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh my god. But knowing knowing this not just about me but him, where I can bring out the best in him, the best in my children, the best in everybody that I come in contact with. You guys, when you use this for the greatest good of everyone you touch, my God, you move the needle and you feel really freaking great about what you do every day.

Sheila Bella:

Yes. Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

You do.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. I mean, isn't life about all about good communication? The best communicators are the most successful. I don't want to simplify it that much, but I mean, that's what life is. If you are a great communicator of ideas, you win.

Tracy O'Malley:

Honestly, that emotional intelligence and the ability to communicate wins every damn time. Every single time, I don't care. It beats talent. It does, because if you can build trust and credibility with anybody, honestly, if I start smelling bullshit, I don't care if they're shitting 24 karat gold, I'm going with somebody that I can really trust and have some credibility with.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. Yes, exactly. And I think with us, we're even more sensitive to that. Like oh, you're not real. You're not [crosstalk 00:51:11] I'm out. I'm just out. I'm just out. Oh my gosh. This was really, really insightful you guys. Are you guys loving this? Do you feel seen?

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh my gosh.

Sheila Bella:

Should we open it up for questions? I got some stuff. So Kendra says... Kendra, oh my gosh. She says, "I think I'm a four. However, I feel like when confrontation arises, I act like an eight. I'm confused because I really do think I'm a four."

Tracy O'Malley:

Fours and eights are the most misunderstood on the Enneagram And I think that's also why you're probably in a relationship with a four because they're very intense emotionally.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

We're very intense generally like with everything we do, and so eights and fours have this mutual understanding, we're very sensitive in different ways, but we have this mutual respect that, wow, both fours and eights have been told all our life we're a bit much, we need to tone it down a little bit, and so there is this mutual respect. However, we don't like to... there's a lot of little competition for who's in charge here and especially if this domineering eight energy starts to kind of overtake a four, this is when it can be very volatile and it can be the most volatile and explosive match up on the Enneagram.

 

Fours a lot of time can be mistyped as eights. A lot of times, especially if anger is more of your thing. Also, this being said, a four under extreme stress takes on the unhealthy two, which looks a lot like an unhealthy eight.

Sheila Bella:

Hmm. Can you describe the difference between an unhealthy two and an unhealthy eight?

Tracy O'Malley:

So an unhealthy two, all of a sudden like this compassionate connector, empathetic, all of a sudden on a dime turns into resentful.

Sheila Bella:

Oh yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

And argumentative, like all of a sudden. Where an eight kind of lives in that energy. So understanding we'll go there in a second where you have to really push a two to get there, but understanding this about the four, because they're usually... Like a four is genuinely really kind and empathetic, they feel everything. They're very intuitive where the eight, we're instinctual. There's a difference between intuition and instinct. You think about an animal in the wild, that's all instinct. Intuitive is more about the energy and fours actually have a lot of compassion for people more than the eights do.

Tracy O'Malley:

So we both are very intense emotionally, but the eight's all out for justice and truth, the four is driven by significance and that's where they can be different, but also appear very much alike.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. That's what attracted me to Will, is that intensity.

Tracy O'Malley:

We have great sex. Fours and eights have great sex together, they just do. It's intense.

Sheila Bella:

Awesome. Lady, you have a question, right? And Kendra... Well, before I go to Leidy, Kendra, did you get your question answered or do you want to elaborate on that?

Kendra:

I am pretty sure, yeah, that I'm four, but I think I come from a household of my parents are eight or... Because whenever I take the test, it tells me that I'm an eight.

Sheila Bella:

Okay.

Kendra:

But when I have someone who knows all of the Enneagrams, he's asking me questions, he's like, "No, you're a four." And four makes sense but it's like I'm programmed to answer things as an eight.

Tracy O'Malley:

Well, especially if you were raised by eights, you might be conditioned to just kind of respond how you've been taught, told, and modeled to.

Kendra:

Because confrontation, I can handle it. I don't have to [inaudible 00:55:05] back and think about things even though I realize that's probably healthier to do and so I try to do that more now, especially being married and everything, it's not good to be like, "Rar rar rar." You should probably think about it before you just attack your partner. But I feel like I can be... I'm the oldest of five kids so I can be that way. But ultimately, yeah, my drive is significance or [inaudible 00:55:39] individuality.

Tracy O'Malley:

Here's the other part of a four also. So the four's growth number is that healthy one, which does get mistyped as an eight a lot too, because that one, which makes sense as an oldest child too, you're like the warden, keeps things in line, you got shit handled, that's a growth number for a four, but you also can be a little rebellious of structure too.

Kendra:

Yes.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah. So that makes sense why you would be a four, but you do have some really beautiful eight energy, but...

Kendra:

Which is why I think I keep... I answer an eight, but ultimately in my heart I don't have a need for control or anything. I just-

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh, then you're not an eight. We have to control. We won't be controlled, under no circumstances. None. Just your energy, you do feel very intuitive like. I mean that in the most beautiful way, your energy is gorgeous.

Sheila Bella:

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Kendra:

[inaudible 00:56:54] but I can feel what you're giving off and I can play into it a little bit.

Tracy O'Malley:

That's a lot of four energy too. So keep leaning into that. The problem with fours sometimes is they'll have that intuitive thing and then it freaks them out a little bit and then they go reverse engineering and then it goes off the rails. So just keep leaning into your intuition, trust it, you don't have to know how it's all going to figure itself out. The beautiful thing as a four is on one side you've got that five, which is that investigator so you can be researcher, or you've got the three, which is you just get it done, the achiever.

Sheila Bella:

Cool. That is neat. Okay. Thank you, Kendra. Leidy, did you have a question? I know I saw your hand was raised. Anyone else who has a question, raise your hand. Go for it, Leidy.

Leidy:

Tracy, great story. I mean, it's very touching and I'm very happy you succeeded through that, but I'm trying to understand this whole thing because is this something I'm supposed to be in? Because my family is dysfunctional. I have been all over. I grew up in a messed up family and I kind of had to reinvent myself every single... I don't know how many times. Drug addiction from bullying, from this, from that, from now being the person that beats up bullies and then stop that and become someone new, and I'm like, "Is this what defines me?" Because I'm like, is this something I'm supposed to be thinking about every day all the time? I don't know. It's just... I don't get this thing.

Tracy O'Malley:

That's a beautiful question. And quite honestly, what I love about it is I'm almost 50 years old, so there's a lot of history there to try and unpack, and having the framework of the Enneagram really gives me some structure to people, and having only nine basic types, I mean it's way more complex than that, really gives me framework of being able to communicate with everyone. Does that mean I want to communicate with everyone? No. My family's pretty messed up too and I have very little relationships with a lot of my family because they're messed up. I love them, I have compassion and empathy and I understand where it's all rooted, and just because I have compassion and empathy doesn't mean I have to give them a free pass and free pass to me.

 

But what I do love about the Enneagram, it really helped me make sense, first and foremost of myself, because I was beating the shit out of myself pretty much every day, and that doesn't serve anything good. It doesn't serve the mission, the calling you have on your life. It doesn't serve if you run a family or a business. It doesn't serve anything. And the Enneagram really provided a roadmap back to what my soul's calling was. I believe we are all born with a beautiful temperament, disposition, and calling on our life. We really, really are.

 

This is where the Enneagram is like nature, nurture, and something else. We are born with a temperament and disposition and a calling, and then we're dropped into a family and a school and friend groups and all sorts of things, and how that gets expressed starts to change. This is the nature and nurture coming together. And then there's the belief that gets ingrained in us as kids and how we are supposed to cope with this. And depending on your environment, it takes on a whole different form.

 

The beautiful part about this is that at the age of four years old, this is me at four, how cute am I? As a four-year-old, I was a grownup. I was a grownup. And my innocence and everything was taken as a four-year-old. And I was still that beautiful innocent girl but with all these learning and coping mechanisms and everything, and at the age of 40 years old, when I'm introduced to the Enneagram, it provided framework to get me back to that beautiful innocence before the world came and kicked the shit out of me a little bit, before the box I got put in closed up.

 

And so really quite honestly, I'm just a 50-year-old version of this beautiful four-year-old today before life got ahold of her.

Leidy:

Wow.

Tracy O'Malley:

And I like the framework of the Enneagram because it guides us back to that. I'm still that same beautiful little girl, but with a hell of a lot more wisdom today. And there's nobody that can take that from me. There's no experience, no pain, no abuse, no addiction, nothing can take that from me. And the framework of the Enneagram got me there really quickly without the shame and the guilt, but with love and compassion. And when I can give that to myself, I ooze it to everybody that I come in contact with, even the assholes who try to take me down.

Leidy:

It's crazy. Oh my gosh.

Tracy O'Malley:

[inaudible 01:01:46]

Leidy:

Yeah. It's... it's a lot. I don't even know. I felt like-

Tracy O'Malley:

I didn't get here overnight. I didn't get here overnight.

Leidy:

Crazy.

Tracy O'Malley:

One day at a time. One day at a time.

Sheila Bella:

Thank you, Leidy.

Leidy:

[crosstalk 01:02:02] thank you.

Tracy O'Malley:

You'll get there.

Sheila Bella:

Katie, you're up.

Katie:

I'll have to be a little bit quiet because my husband's asleep. It's night here. But I just posted that I'm trying to build a team and all the tests say that I'm an eight with seven second. Is there anything that I need to know about not being a complete bitch then to work for?

Tracy O'Malley:

Well, either you're a seven or an eight, whichever one you are, that's a very assertive type either way. We just kind of go head first into things and understanding that not everybody's going to be wired that way and to have a little patience. That's why understanding if you have people that are driven by significance, certainty, or truth and justice is going to be really, really important. So if you have people that are driven by certainty, you're going to have to kind of throttle back, which sevens and eights don't like. We just like powering through things.

Katie:

That's me.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah, which me too. My best friend is a six and so she needs a lot of explanation about what's going to happen, what to expect, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And because I love her and I want to lead her as a friend and I care and I give a shit, it means I'm going to have to slow my roll to get the whole team, whether it's in a friend group or in a business, more effectively moving forward. So sometimes we have to slow down to be able to speed up the entire team and being respectful of that, because sometimes sevens and eights can appear very disrespectful of those that are slow, and you'll lose some really great quality people if you do do that, and quite honestly, you need those people that are driven by certainty.

 

Let me tell you, she keeps me out of fires a lot, and those heart people that are your master connectors, if we're plowing through and not taking the time to connect with people, which is your heart centered teammates, you're going to miss building credibility and trust. And especially in a referral based business, you're going to have to keep going out and grinding to get new clients, where these master connectors and these heart-centered people in your business, they're going to keep your people long-term. Do you understand? We want those visionaries and go-getters and big action takers whether you're a seven or eight, we can miss creating a sense of safety and security for people, and we can miss the connection and compassion and empathy piece that people crave, especially today in this world. Are you kidding me?

 

So being mindful of that, knowing that sometimes just because we have to slow down doesn't mean we're not going to crush our goals or achieve whatever or... Seriously, we have to slow down sometimes for the best of the team so we can all go on the same vision together and do beautiful, beautiful work in the world. Does that make sense?

Katie:

It does, yeah. Yeah. I want to be a good leader. I don't want to be so stuck in my own personality type that I push everyone else to the side.

Tracy O'Malley:

Same. Honestly, when I think about how I've led my own children, it's a miracle that I turned this thing around on a dime. It was going in a really rough direction, and knowing that I have a certainty kid and a heart significance kid, and I'm not driven by either one of those, I have to slow my roll a lot and alter, depending on who's in front of me, which kid's in front of me. But seriously, the credibility and trust even with my own children is incredible. Incredible. Raising kids is hard. Raising teens is hard, but all of them are going to do what you do.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Or you're going to lose them, including your own children sometimes. Seriously, they're not going anywhere, you're always going to be their mom, but you won't be their go-to on speed dial.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah. That's such good advice. Such good advice. Like you just know me [inaudible 01:06:07]. Were you watching me this morning? Were you watching me?

Tracy O'Malley:

I'm always watching. I'm watching you.

Sheila Bella:

This is the week that I've had. Well, story of my life. Katie, was that helpful or what?

Tracy O'Malley:

I feel you sister, I feel you.

Katie:

It was great, yeah. Because this is like a real pivotal point for me and I'd like to get things right from the get go. Really.

Sheila Bella:

Amazing.

Katie:

It was great, thank you.

Tracy O'Malley:

You're very welcome.

Sheila Bella:

Okay, Rebecca and then [crosstalk 01:06:36].

Tracy O'Malley:

Beautiful by the way.

Rebecca:

Oh, thank you. We have lots of beautiful ladies in Pretty Rich Bosses.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah you do. I could look at you all day long.

Rebecca:

I did my makeup, so I felt like I could turn my camera on. I did the test. I'm pretty much a seven and my second one that came up was an eight. But I guess I was just wondering what is the growth number for seven? And then one of the ladies in the chat wanted to know what was the growth number for all of them?

Tracy O'Malley:

Oh, I can definitely do that. That's easy. Okay. For seven, and I know this one so well because I always have to with my daughter and... an eight and a seven, we can be like yin and yang and we can be like beating the shit out of each other in a second. Like it's crazy. And a lot of that has to do with the stress numbers and things like that where with a seven, you guys have all these ideas and it's all, because you're thinkers, and it's all kind of jumbled up in here and she needs to talk things out and that it's really important for a seven. Just because you're dropping out all these ideas doesn't mean it all has to happen, but my eight brain goes into tactical, okay, like strategy, how does it happen? How does it happen? I start interrupting and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, then she loses her shit.

 

So a seven in stress goes to the unhealthy one and all of a sudden your free spirit becomes this rigid perfectionist, like my way or the highway. I'm like, "Where the hell did this come from?"

Rebecca:

So true.

Tracy O'Malley:

That's a seven under stress. Now here's the beautiful part. Again, I want to promote growth. So with my daughter, a lot of times sevens are the life of the party and they always got to be doing something with people and all the things and that's great, that's your super power, but you do need to fill yourself back up. And the growth number for the seven is the healthy five, the most introverted on the Enneagram. So that extroverted, free spirited, visionary innovator all of a sudden needs this container. And this is so important for a seven entrepreneur.

 

So when I see my daughter pick up her sketchbook and go to the coffee shop all by herself, I'm like, "Yes. This is growth." Or she's like, "I'm going to go research something." I'm like, "Oh my God, this is great." Especially in the beauty industry, because she's in the beauty industry as well. She wants to learn a new trade, a new thing for her business. So it's going to be really important as a visionary innovating seven, that you create the container to have solitude. There's a difference between isolation and solitude. Beautiful things grow in solitude, but you have to be able to fill back up and decompress from all this output.

 

Sevens are output generators, always putting out whether it's content, artistic ideas, you guys are output machines. But if you do too much output and not take that time and build a container for input, you'll burn yourself out, you'll burnout your relationships. And you're going to feel manic from time to time. So knowing that your growth is that healthy Five, that investigator. Get a hobby, schedule in time in solitude, or that's just research and not just the flash and the sparkle. [crosstalk 00:01:10:03] That is your super power. And a lot of times Seven's feel like if they slow down they'll miss that magic of themselves, it actually makes it more effective, but you have to create that container.

Rebecca:

Wow

Sheila Bella:

I feel like that goes hand in hand with being an empath too.

Tracy O'Malley:

Totally.

Sheila Bella:

I definitely have that introverted, but I enjoyed being with people, but then I feel completely drained at the end of it. So I need like two days to the bounce back from a social event.

Tracy O'Malley:

Well, the other thing about a Seven is because you are the most optimistic on the Enneagram, people are magnetized to you and they can dump a lot of shit on you and as you are so positive. It sometimes feels like you're not entitled to have a bad day.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Or you have to be positive all the time. And that's why really having solid people that aren't like you around you, that understand that and can be, that's why having an Eight mom is really good for her. Because I'm the protector. I'm like, okay, you need some alone time to refill back up. And letting people know that you are human too. It's really important for a Seven to communicate that. And not when they're losing their shit, because then people don't hear you. But before you get close [crosstalk 01:11:14] to the brink, letting people know, you know, I'm human too is going to be really, really important because then you'll be surrounded by not just takers, but you'll have an even energy exchange in your inner circle. And that's really important for Seven because that's how their gifts and their magic comes to life is when they have the support.

Sheila Bella:

Wow. So insightful.

Rebecca:

It's amazing.

Sheila Bella:

So it's really important, I'm learning to know what your growth number is. Oh, I'm getting it.

Tracy O'Malley:

As a leader, as a parent, as a person that wants to be their very best at whatever they do.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

It's important, because it's great to be the healthiest Eight that I am. So I'll give you an example, like famous Eights, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King. Mother Teresa, you wouldn't assume as an Eight, because she's so compassionate and empathetic. Donald Trump is also an Eight and regardless of what you think about politics, I mean, all three of those people are very, very different.

Sheila Bella:

Right.

Tracy O'Malley:

Right? But Mother Theresa has clearly, she lives in her growth number or lived in her growth number, that healthy Two, that compassion and empathy. But test Mother Teresa, I dare you. I'm the second Mama T, she's the original Mama T. But seriously, you push Mother Teresa and she'll go rogue on you. But she worked in her growth number all the time.

Tracy O'Malley:

Martin Luther King also was there. And Trump, I mean, he didn't live in his Two very much. Let's just say that. Regardless of what we think politically, that's evident, right? That's evident. You guys wanted to know the growth numbers everyone?

Sheila Bella:

Yes.

Rebecca:

Yes.

Tracy O'Malley:

Every number. Okay. Once the reformers or perfectionists. I love when I have Ones that I'm working with because you guys can be so perfectionist and rigid the homework I always give you is fun. Fun, free spirited with no rules because they go to the healthy Seven.

Rebecca:

Wow.

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

So that's usually their homework, and they get mad at me then [sounded scared 01:13:16], I know it's not going to feel comfortable for you. The Twos, like I said about my son, the Four, individualist, that helper which is all about people and doing, and no, they have to focus on themselves as an individual, which is really important.

 

The Threes instead of the doer-doer-doer, they go to the healthy Nine, which is that inclusive, bringing everybody together. And it's not just about them. That's a stretch for Three when they're not their healthiest, right? The Fours which want to be so unique and individual and not have a lot of rules, they need a little structure. They go to the healthy One, which is that more rigid. Usually with Fours, the homework I give them is like just two things. That's all the structure you need, just two things. And you can still be your free spirit. I promise you can still be unique and individual, but that structure will build confidence for a Four. Even if it's just usually tell them their health first, be very structured with your health and then pick something else to be structured with. Everything else is fair game.

 

When you say that to a Four, they don't feel like they have to be as rebellious or extra. The Five in a health pattern, in a healthy growth pattern takes on the healthy Eight. So all of a sudden that introverted needing information kind of Five can be more decisive and trust instinct instead of holding back thinking, they're not going to be equipped.

Rebecca:

Yes.

Tracy O'Malley:

The Six goes to, Oh, I'm sorry. The Three goes to the Six. I'm sorry. Threes goes to Six, which is more like, they'll think tactically more things through. The Six to the Nine in a growth pattern. I'm going off memory here. Six goes to the Nine where they can be a little more easy going instead of so tightly wound, right? The Sevens in a growth pattern, like I mentioned, goes to that healthy Five where they take that container to, to regenerate. The Eighth, so I've talked about a lot, goes to the Two, more compassionate and empathy instead of this domineering, aggressive type. And the Nine, who is usually kind of like, "I don't care, whatever you want," kind of energy can step into the healthy Three and they can actually be amazing entrepreneurs and get things done with the collective, bringing everybody together. It's when you can have that beautiful, easy going kind of nature. But with the, get it done kind of growth.

Sheila Bella:

So beautiful. How we all can compliment one another and learn from our opposites and it would benefit us to do so. Make us more successful. This is fascinating.

Tracy O'Malley:

And a healthier that we can embody all nine types. And that is why most people feel like I can read their mind. Or that I know them better than they do, because I have worked. I mean, one of the things I learned in recovery and whether you have any kind of addiction in your life or not, this is true to every human being, I believe is as long as we are committed to growing and serving and loving and making an impact in this world, then we have to have an unconditional commitment to the process of growing. And that's not always easy. And everyday we have a daily reprieve, just a daily reprieve and is contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition and our emotional condition.

 

And so just knowing that every single day we have to say, "Okay, I'm in. It may not be pretty. It may be messy. It may be amazing. But every day I'm unconditionally committed to this." And that will move your needle faster than anything else you can do. Because all the strategy that you're learning in this mastermind and all the collaboration and networking you're doing is amazing. Don't get me wrong. Priceless. And you've got one of the very best in the world, with Sheila. Bravo, smart move. But if you don't have the the emotional intelligence to back it up, it's not going to be sustainable. And you might end up in a shame spiral because you feel like you didn't do what you said you were going to do. So bringing the two together strategy and emotional intelligence makes you bulletproof.

Sheila Bella:

[affirmative 01:17:33].

Tracy O'Malley:

No matter what happens in your life. The last two years of my life have been the most gutting of my life. And you wouldn't know it. Not because I didn't feel it. I didn't just power through it. Like I would have. I felt every fucking thing, quite honestly. And I still was able to show up everyday, bulletproof, just because you're bulletproof doesn't mean you don't get knocked on your ass. You're going to, life happens. 2020 showed us that.

Rebecca:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

It's going to happen. But being bulletproof means you can get back up. You might have a few bruises, might hurt a little bit. You might cry. You might have your heart hurt a lot, but you can get back up because when we know the way, go the way, and show the way for others, we can make the impact that we were always here to do. And all that pain that you've experienced actually does something beautiful. It really can do something beautiful. I don't believe everything happens for a reason because there are some unthinkables that happened. But I do believe that everything that does happen can be for something absolutely magical.

 

And it's up to you to make it happen. Make it happen. You deserve it. And the world deserves to have you in it.

Sheila Bella:

Ah, dang. Tracy, thank you so much. We have one last question before we wrap. I know Bianca you've had your hand raised for a little bit and I think that'll be it for questions. Go ahead, Bianca.

Bianca:

Hi. How are you? Hi, Tracy - [crosstalk 01:18:58].

Tracy O'Malley:

Gorgeous.

Bianca:

Hi [inaudible 01:18:59] Oh, thank you. So are you beautiful. My question is like before I got into the role of permanent makeup, I was an artist. So I noticed all the details. My type is a One. So I get stuck in that perfectionistic cycle and I've noticed that I'm always nice to people, but because of it, everyone notices the perfectionism, it hinders collaboration. It hinders people from wanting to speak up and add in. And everyone that's in my business, they've known me for years, how do I tone it down to ramp up collaboration?

Tracy O'Malley:

I have so much compassion for the Ones because I know how much you torture yourself. I really, really do. And I mean that with so much love. And you equally drive me bat shit crazy. Because my God, you are so good at everything, your standards and your integrity are so much higher than most of us. And I mean that was so much love and respect that when you hold yourself back, you're slowing the rest of us down because when your standards are so high and you just execute, even if it's not to where you think it can be possible, you're going to hold, your you're not even going to shine your lights for the rest of us can level up to you. Like you at 70% is most of us at 50. That's just the truth. That's just the truth. But the reason why people are afraid to say things to you is because even though you have this inner critic that is like screaming at you with a megaphone, sometimes you can get a little snarky outside and people can feel that.

 

And because you compartmentalize everything, it's very black and white thinking for you. There's no gray area. It's either good or terrible. It's either right or absolutely wrong. Right?

Bianca:

[affirmative 01:20:58].

Tracy O'Malley:

And people know this. People know this, and so if they feel like they can't live up to your standards, they're either going to bail on you, or hide from you, or lie to you, or ghost you. And we want you to be more collaborative. So here's the beautiful part about being a One, on one side, you have that healthy Nine wing, which is that peacemaker. The person you need to have some peace talks with is yourself. And there's a little girl inside of you that is basically saying, "If I'm not good, I'm terrible." And you know, I showed this four year old picture of me. I have to bring her into the conversation quite a bit because she wants to throw walls up and, and like shut people out because that's my go-to.

Bianca:

[affirmative 01:21:43].

Tracy O'Malley:

Yours is I have to be perfect in order to be worthy.

Bianca:

[affirmative 01:21:46].

Tracy O'Malley:

Are you a mom by chance?

Bianca:

No.

Tracy O'Malley:

Do you like kids?

Bianca:

I love kids, but I was never able to conceive. So yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

Okay. So I want you to imagine a four year old saying to you, "I'm terrible. I'm terrible. I suck. This is awful. I shouldn't even be doing this." What would you say to that four year old right now?

Bianca:

Oh my gosh. What are you talking about? You're amazing. I would just pour it back into the child or-

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah, you'd pull her back up [crosstalk 01:22:16] .

Bianca:

I'll remind them of the time they did something and it was awesome. Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

So one of the things that you're going to have to, this is really hard for Ones, especially. I mean, it's so ingrained in you, this is why I have so much compassion, that really finding proof of when you did something that was just even less than perfect. How did it work out for you? You're going to have to build a case for yourself a lot of the time. And that other side of you has that too, which is that healthy Two wing.

 

And this is where compassion and empathy for yourself needs to come into play. And saying, "You know what? I have done things that are beautiful and they weren't perfect. And I'm telling you nothing ever is." And the thing is with Ones like when they actually execute even something that they don't believe is less than perfect magic happens. And that healthy Seven growth thing is like, "we're just going for it." Sevens go for it. And a One in a growth pattern takes on that healthy, we're free falling kind of thing. And I know that you're probably having heart palpitations, as I say that to you.

Bianca:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

But if you really want to grow, knowing that there are going to be times really like your light, can't shine bright for the rest of us to follow if you're holding back.

Tracy O'Malley:

Donna's better than [inaudible 01:23:34]

Bianca:

So guessing massive action, like Sheila says. All the time.

Tracy O'Malley:

You have to. Have fun doing it, like make it fun. And it's going to feel terrible at first, because growth at first, especially something we haven't done ever, feels terrible. Me being compassionate and empathetic, felt the weakest thing I could ever do at first.

Bianca:

[affirmative 01:23:55].

Tracy O'Malley:

But the more that I use that muscle, it's almost like second nature to me. So know that it's not going to happen overnight. The first few times you do it. You're going to feel like you're being gutted. But keep leaning into it, keep leaning into it, keep leaning into it. And eventually that muscle memory feels really damn good. And it makes you a more well-rounded. Still high standards, still the warden, still masters of integrity, which is the beautiful gift of the One. But we want you to be able to lead the masses. And when you can lighten up a little bit first on yourself and then the rest of us, that light can shine real bright. And your beauty comes to the world.

Bianca:

Thank you. Thank you.

Tracy O'Malley:

Yeah.

Bianca:

It isn't easy but not...but...thank you.

Tracy O'Malley:

It's simple, but not easy [inaudible 01:24:42] a little bit. Growth and never is though.

Bianca:

That's true.

Sheila Bella:

I want to thank all of you for showing up. So vulnerably today. I can see it in your faces, even just now just looking in the room, around the room. The people's cameras. I mean, I just feel like I see you guys clearer too, and there's certain people in my life, and if you asked a question, there's certain people in my life that really helped me to have more compassion before because now I understand them better. And Tracy, wow. Thank you so much for sharing your gift with us today. Really, really served me personally. So thank you for pouring into us.

Bianca:

Aww

Tracy O'Malley:

My pleasure. My pleasure. You guys, if you have questions, because we kind of poke the bear a little bit,

Sheila Bella:

Yeah.

Bianca:

Yeah.

Tracy O'Malley:

If you have questions, you can find me on Instagram and shoot me a DM. Tell me you're part of the pretty rich squad over here and I'm happy to help you in any way that I can.

Sheila Bella:

So your Instagram, can you tell everybody where to find you and how can they work with you?

Tracy O'Malley:

Yes. My Instagram is tracy_omalley. Also, I do typing sessions. So if you really want, and it's a beautiful, beautiful exploration process. And I go through all the parts of your type, and where it's rooted from, and your wings, and your subtypes, and all the juicy parts. We do that. I do in Enneagram experience. I work with people one-on-one, which is like, the phone-a-friend card. You have that every day with me, which is pretty outstanding to have. You can go to my website, tracyomalley.com, the work with me section, to find out more about that. But honestly, it's just Sheila, you are a magnificent leader and I'm so grateful that you boldly show up to lead the way in an industry that is so close to my heart.

Sheila Bella:

Thank you.

Tracy O'Malley:

You know, my baby is in it. And to know that there's high integrity, just amazing people like you out there leading these amazing professionals. It's just so remarkable to see. So thank you.

Sheila Bella:

Thank you. I will just receive that, working on that.

Tracy O'Malley:

Good.

Sheila Bella:

Thanks so much you guys. Okay. So for those of you who are listening to audio version of this on the podcast, I'm going to put all of Tracy's links and where to find her in the show notes. And also if you're watching this in Volts, all of those links will be in the description. Okay. Until next time, everyone.

 

Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's episode of Pretty Rich Podcast. If you want to continue the conversation longer, check me out on Instagram. It's my favorite place to connect with you guys @realsheilabella, I'm happy to answer any of your questions or simply to chat and get to know you better. And if you end up doing something super awesome, like screenshotting this episode and reposting out your stories that would put the biggest smile on my face.

 

Don't forget to tag me. I appreciate every share and love feedback from my listeners. Also, do you have my number? Do you have my number? Because if we're going to keep hanging out, you should probably have my number so you can actually text me. That's right. You can text me at (310) 388-4588. And if you're sick and tired of doing business alone, and you're interested in accelerating your success by hiring a business coach or joining our mentorship program called Pretty Rich Bosses, go ahead and just apply. Why not? Check it out. Go to sheilabella.com/apply and we'll schedule a free strategy session with either myself or one of my advisors. And of course I got to include my kids. So here to send us off our Beau and Grey.

Grey:

Hello.

Sheila Bella:

Grey say, "Share with your friends."

Grey:

Share with your friends.

Sheila Bella:

Please review my Mommy on iTunes.

Grey:

Review Mommy iTunes.

Sheila Bella:

Thanks for listening.

Grey:

Thank you for listening.

Sheila Bella:

Hey Beau, can you tell everybody what our family motto is?

Beau:

I can do hard things.

Sheila Bella:

I can do hard things. Good job, buddy.

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